Life as I know it.
2001-07-12 19:14:38 (UTC)

someday you will ache like i ache

Anyway no repsonse from Matt, always a good sign, everytime
I email him unless Im walking on eggshells he always has to
pick the ONE negative thing I say and blow it way out of
proportion and since basically that email was about me and
my feelings for him im expecting a bitchy reply. So I dont
want to deal with that. I dont know why im so worries, we
are through, but I guess I just dont like hurting people
and I really hate people hurting me so i try to be nice,
eventho thats sometimes how I dont feel. But we're
through, we're through we're through he doesnt have any
kind of power over me anymore...i have to keep reminding
myself of this. It's just akward, he lives down my street
and god i do see him occassionally just out and about and
things should just be civil. But we're not being civil,
well im not, i dont know what im being. It's like I dont
want to lose him, but i know he is gone. I was sick of
fighting in the relationship its kind of ironic thats all
that we do now that we are completely through. Oh I dont
know. Just wish I was out of this city so I just didnt
have constant daily reminders of him when i like go for a
walk or something. I found his business card the other day
when I was going thru my backpack...I saved it with some
otehr things I have. I mean it was a decent relationship
but it just sucks the break up is this bad. And it sucks
that im scared of him, scared to even say anything to him...