Cute Chaos

2002-08-14 03:02:49 (UTC)

Rambling On

I sat around the house today, well most of it. I really did
not know what to do. I talked with my dad about a lot of
stuff. Mostly about people and life. It is cool to talk
with him. My dad is starting to drink more again. I don't
like it when he drinks. He is really moody. I don't know
how to explain it. He is just different. He turns into a
total asshole. I have talked briefly with him before about
his drinking. It toned down a little bit, but now he is
right back. Drinking every day, and a lot too. I just wish
he would go back to work already. I don't like having him
around. Maybe it is because I have grown so independent.
Just having someone always looking over my shoulder and
asking where and what I am going to be doing, how he can
get hold of me is just so childish now. I have strong
morals and I am not going to give in. I have not had that
kind of support before, why now? My dad works so much as it
is, who cares. I think that is kind of why I like Amber so
much. I know that if I ever got into any trouble I can
always turn to her, but she does not smother me. When I do
get together with her, we talk. About a lot of things, not
always about problems or about people, but it is fun. We go
swimming and do stuff. She is my best friend, but she is
always like my mother. I am so glad that I found her. I
just wish that everyone would be able to have someone as
special in there life, or have just one great relationship
with someone, like I do with Amber. It helps so much.

Speaking of Amber... She no longer needs my help baby-sitting. I
guess she is feeling much better and is able to keep up with the
boys. I think I might do something with her tomorrow, it depends on
my mood.

My dad got the ingredients for Banana Split Torte. I think
I will make it today or tomorrow. I have not had any in
such a long time. If I keep eating like I do, all of the
sweets, I am going to get fat.

I talked with Korrie today. This was the second time that I
have really had a good conversation with her. She keeps
bringing up that fact that I think I am fat and ugly. It is
kind of pissing me off. I can't explain why I feel like I
do, I just do! It is irrational I know, but as a human I am
irrational. I can't explain it.

I stopped over at Rusty's at like 5 pm today. He was up and
playing video games. I let him borrow Mario Golf and he
spent all day trying to bet Bowser. He is getting really
good. He cleaned up his entire room. I felt kind of out of
place. I just sat there and looked through all of his old
stuff. I was reading some love letters that his ex-
girlfriend Jayme gave him. I don't think I could ever
write love letters, let alone give someone one. I am just
not that way. If I am going to tell you something I am
going to tell you straight up. Not through some poem. I can
relate to poems, but never the mushy love ones. Maybe it is
because I have never been in love with anyone. Who knows. I
guess Rusty was going to marry Jayme. I think that is
crazy. She ended up cheating on him. She is such a hoe. I
have heard so many stories about her. In one of the letters
it said "I want more of your penis!" How trashy is that. If
you are going to be all lovey like that why don't you
say "I want you to make love to me!" Crazy whore! Then,
Rusty gets a few phone calls while I am over. No biggy, I
always get phone calls too, but I tell them listen I have
someone over I can't talk right now. Although, Rusty
decides to talk with them for like 30 minutes while I sit
there bored out of my mind. What was I supposed to do. Then
the computer broke. I was down stairs for about 45 minutes
with his perverted 13 year old brother Tom. We wrestled and
talked (about sex!, and how far I have gotten), and played
more Mario Golf. Then his mom called us up for dinner. I
like his mom, even though she has some major issues. She
had made some homemade Mac'n'Cheese. It was pretty good but
I did not want to be impolite and eat like a pig. I watched
Rusty fix the computer. He was being all touchy-feely. I am
not sure if he likes me or what! I know that he is out to
get a piece but what if it was more. We played some MORE
Mario Golf. Then some girls came over and they wanted to go
to the Movies with him. I am not sure if he went. He did
need to shower and stuff, but it is not my business. He is
supposed to stop over tomorrow. If not, we might be going
bowling on Friday. I think I am going to stop over there
Wednesday night, when my dad is working we can hang out.

Sorry I am really rambling on about things. I guess I have
just had a lot on my mind and when I get talking I can't
stop. Next time I will try to organize it better...