watered down fairy tales and lemon juice
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2002-08-14 02:25:30 (UTC)


They say wherever you go, there you are, but I
disagree. You see, I spent years in a world where no one
existed, not even me. And when everything shattered, and I
came, squinting, into the sun, I knew I had to tell the
world my story... And even if my voice is muffled in the
blackness of the night, and my words are drowned out by the
television in the background... You know...

So we begin. I'm not a superstar. I'm not famous, nor
am I infamous. I'm just me.
I'm sitting here contemplating. It's one of those times
when you're so wrapped up in thought, but you don't
actually know what you're thinking about. No, it's not
drugs... it's my mind. I feel like I'm losing it some days.
I wake up in the morning and I peer at the alarm clock with
one eye from underneath my electric blanket. And it hits me-
some people my age are married. While I awake to the cold
nose of my dog on my cheek, some girls wake to the cold nose
of their husbands. They shove him away and wipe off their
cheeks, and they do this every day.
Sometimes I really envy that... The companianship, the
security, the sex... I was having coffee with a friend of
mine... I'll call her Jamie. See, Jamie has this perfect
body, and voice and since her exodus from the womb has had
nearly every guy who laid eyes on her wrapped around her
perfect finger. She was stupid up until recently, and blew
a lot of opportunities that tripped and fell, limbs
flailing, into her perfect lap. But she recently made a
good choice. She married this guy Greg, and guess what-
he's perfect. So we're sitting in this little java joint
with flora-decor sipping our mochachinos talking about
Greg. See, Greg and I were tight like shrink wrap before Jamie
appeared... And suddenly it's like we can't be friends
because- well, who knows. It was Jamie, I guess. But, anyway...Back
to the story... Talking about Greg and she says, "Greg just thinks
you are too cool." (All the while smiling that d*** perfect smile)
And I want to laugh in her perfect face.
See, that's the story of my life. I am just too cool.
So cool in fact, that I have been single for the past 3.5
years. I am more than curious to know what
differentiates "cool" from "cool"... They look the same,
they sound the same, and can both be used in the same
situation, however, one of them leads to a date and the
other leads to a punch on the arm and a " Sup dude?..." Any