Crazy Girl

Diving Under
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2002-08-13 07:58:29 (UTC)

F*cking tired

Being this damn tired just makes me think very bad
thoughts. So many bad thoughts and I suddenly feel second
best to Corr! I really do, I love him but I feel like I was
his second choice. It is really hard to explain. See before
we got back together, like way before ... around winter
time he was really into my best friend. And I guess I have
just had a while to think about it with him not being here.
Well I was reading my emails over and I came across one
that almost made me bal! I mean Cry really hard. It was one
when he still liked her and it just made me feel like I
wasnt as good as her and that we would only be if they
hadnt have worked out. I remember it sayed "well she pretty
much told me we have no chance, so it is just a matter of
time until you and I get together" I dont know if that
sounds bad but I have always felt like second to her. I
mean I kind of have to. SHe is way hotter then I am, she
has blond hair and blue eyes and a really really skinny
body that guys just drool over. Me, I am just blah! I know
I should have never felt like this because he is in love
with me. I feel so lost right now. I dont have anyone at
this moment. I thought I would have someone, I tell him I
always want to be friends and I wanna work it out with him
because we have always been like really awesome friends but
he is so stupid and he is always like why bother. I am just
not worth fighting for. I tried talking to him today but he
is so self involved and he thinks he is all my friend needs
cuz they are together. He is just taking her from me and I
dont even think she needs me anymore either cuz she
certainly isnt fighting for me. I think all she cares about
is Kris, or at least that is how she makes me feel, yes I
said names but I really dont give a shit. Let everyone know
his name... KRIS KRIS KRIS! Well, actually I dont know,
maybe he would hate me for saying his name on this but fuck
that I dont care. It is MY diary. All I have to say is if
he doesnt want to give a shit then I wont... and if I am
just not a good enough friend to HER then maybe she just
doesnt need me in her life after all.

Can someone let me out of this cage I have fallen in. I am
ranting like a stupid bitch and I dont know why. I am
definitly PMSing! I have to be, cuz I am a bitch! But I
really dont give a shit right now, I feel like I am in so
much pain I cant even feel anymore. I just feel alone
right now. I will get over it when I sleep tonight and go
do something tomarrow, but I cant help feel that I will
feel an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach because I am
worried about something. Please come back to me, I need
someone. I need to feel the feeling I had before when we
all cared about each other and werent picking favorites.
When we just didnt care about favorites because it was the
same. Life has fallen apart and there is no hope. I might
as well just shutup and give up. Please, dont let this go
in vain.
~always me~