now if there's one place that's a hell-hole it's gotta be
the fucking dmv. not only are you guaranteed to spend
hours upon hours in a stank ass building to accomplishment
a miniscule task, but you also have all these people
there. now the people that work at the dmv are obviously
of some alien species (just like the post office, a la men
in black 2). either they're space aliens or fascist nazis
that enjoy to inflict pain and misery upon the inferior
species known as "those that trode towards my humble
window". now aside fromt eh people that work there, you
also have the people that go there for stupid shit. now
we were there on a saturday so it was packed as a
motherfucker. there was only one kicker, my dad was with
now my dad is quite odd, he's almost eerily adept at
making small talk and interacting, but he hates others as
much as i do. so there the two of us are just waiting to
get a # so that we coudl wait to be called. the lady in
front of us is some crazy old woman who musta been 110
yrs. young that probably got in a wreck or whatever. she
can't hear a god damn thing and the lady handing out the
tickets is yelling at her to take her god damned # and
move on. the old lady insists that this lady here was the
one that should help her (apparently they didn't have the
# system back in the middle ages). finally my dad and i
get to our # we tell her what we're here for to get our
necessary papers. basically what happened was, i used my
dad's license plate so that i coudl drive my car, so that
i wouldn't have to buy my own just yet. we called the
insurance company and they told us it was
straight. "that's illegal", is what the lady tells us.
"yes but the insurance company told us we could", my dad
"well they're wrong, did you come in the car now?"
"well then i could have you arrested."
so there we are. sitting amongst all the others. the guy
next to me could have been replaced with a pile of shit,
he was so stinky. my dad sat next to some black lady, and
had the small talk that i could only dream of. within 5
mins. he had her so charmed she was telling her about
where she worked (and her problems there). if only i
could do that.
so finally we're up by the window, after about 40 mins.
the lady there told us the exact same thing, following up
with the same thing,
"you could be arrested you know,"
then there was a pause as the lady sized up my dad
wondering if he was going to do some sort of Outlaw Josie
Wales shit, then grunted then typed on her computer.
"you like sound of music?"
she had a book of it on her desk there.
"yeah, it's my fav."
"well, we're from austria, we know the von-trapp family"
(which isn't even a lie).
so they got to talking about it and all of a fuckign
sudden it got to be so damn easy to get our shit done.
after we told her what "edelweiss" means we were rolling.
i got my license plate when we ran into an obstacle. it
had a thing on it 400 yrs. of jamestown, and she scoffed
at it, my dad asked her what was wrong and she told us how
she thought it was an oppressive event what with the
indians and african americans being forced from their
home. so i was thinking to myself "jesus tap-dancing
christ, let's take it and go" when my dad says,
"jesus, that's ridiculous"
so i was like "hell yeah dad, show her" when he goes on to
"there's no way we're putting that on our car, don't you
have a license plate without this stuff on it"
at first i thought he was being sardonic or patronizing
but then i knew he meant it.
she was beaming when she gave it to us. i swear.
by the way edelweiss = noblewhite
it's a flower found only high in the alps.