Lost and Searching
2002-08-13 02:56:01 (UTC)

Hurt and Unsure

Okay, i have emailed anthony, and it has been awhile since
i have heard back from him....i know there are a lot of
reason's why, just wish i knew which one it was.....i am
proud of myself, there are times, i can forget about him,
the memories, and the what if future possibilities...i am
proud of myself that i was in something special, and it
wasn't just only for the today got up, after
huddling under the covers after a really bad stormy night,
and was determined not to think about him, and i did great
for awhile...i freaking tired myself out, working on the
farm, building fence, something i really shouldn't have
been doing..but i really didn't care, i need something to
totally take my mind off the whole thing....then while we
were tap-ping post, the song by rascal flatts "i'm moving
on" came on, and i lost it............

then found out the picture on the net of him, is with
another girl, i know who the older lady was, and i know
that he was trying to get away from her the whole time, but
then i can't get why our pic wasn't up there, b/c i know
there are pics of us....

am trying to not think, am sad, and know that in my brain i
should move on to something else, but my HEART tells me to
wait forever, if i have to.....but then again, i can change
my mind in a heart beat