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2002-08-12 22:28:43 (UTC)

Driving Me Nuts!

August 12, 2002

If this is any indication of a life after retirement, I'm NOT
looking forward too it! Actual retirement would be worse, and
this is bad enough! Worse, due do less money and the
possibility of illnesses. Worse, due to absolutely NO
employment to ease the hours of constant companionship!

Suppose it isn't as horrific as it seems in my mind's image
for the future? By retirement time, we should have our issues
worked out!? As it stands, I think this is just one of those
marriages with on-going issues, right up until "death do we
part", and the sooner realized, the sooner relaxation,
freedom, and peace.

With each passing year, it is more apparent how intense and
demanding marriage can be. I heard from some forgotten
source, we stay at our jobs, enduring situations, for decades
without even considering the option to quit and move on. Yet,
when it comes to marriage, we opt out in a nano!

This marriage is somewhere around fifteen to twenty years and
still climbing. Being a realist, there is no one time frame
considered more at risk or safe than another... perhaps,
simply more painful, as time goes on, if the marriage
collapses, eventually.

My heart is full of love for this man. After all these years,
still in-love with this man. After all these years, still
turned-on by this man. I honestly never believed it possible
to love and be in-love with the same man for much over three
to five years! That's how I thought.

As the years progress, there is more to lose. More to lose in
the emotional attachment territory. Of course there's more to
lose in other areas, those areas aren't as important too me.
This is not my first marriage or my second (let's leave it at
that), hence, no fear regarding starting over. I simply
cannot endure the thought of living without Him in my life!

There is a wish that He'd get a job and leave the house for
at least eight hours a day, five days a week! This 24/7
presence is driving me nuts! And I'll just bet He feels the

Must be careful what one wishes for. Sadly so, there are many
husbands and wives out there who have lost a spouse. I don't
want to even imagine it.... as I have, so many times, since
September 11, 2001. Yet, I don't want to forget, ever!

So, now I sit with a gratitude-filled heart! Happy, He will
soon walk through the door, returning from taking care of
business, and giving me a moment or two of solitude... and if
something or someone is going to drive me nuts in this life,
I'm so grateful it's Him!


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