drktygress

Ishkabibble.
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2002-08-12 15:56:46 (UTC)

I hate it when I get forced..

I hate it when I get forced into things. Having "choices"
that will end up the same way wichever one I pick. I've
lost my past almost completely now, and now my present is
starting to fade. Goddess save my future.

I chose not to go to college because I'm not ready to be on
my own. It's going to happen anyway. My mom got transferred
to a different building and will be staying with her
boyfriend (who lives somewhat near there) during the week
rather than drive a longer distance from here. My brother
and I will be here, paying rent for the bills- goddess only
knows how we're going to get food- and only seeing her on
mondays after she plays volleyball.

My brother and sister also have to take my grandma to get
*her* groceries at least every week too. My brother can't
pay his car insurance let alone pay a 'rent.' Fortunately
one of his friends is probably going to move in too. At
least that'll spread everything out more.

I'll have to get another job, I still need to take the test
to get my liscence, and I'm out of a mom. As much as I may
deny it in her presence (mainly to get a rise outta her )
I will really miss her. I'm already out of a family, but
that's all a matter of perspective honestly. Parents are
divorced, childhood home- gone, childhood pet/best friend
for 14 years- gone, friends- gone for college... it's
really getting me down and I don't think even drawing could
help me out of this hole.

I've already been doing pratically all the chores around
the house, save mowing the lawn and cleaning up after the
dog, but if I get another job when will I have the time?
Unless I can rack up some serious dough with the animal
clinic, I'm worried about how bad the house is going to get.

I guess I can also say adieos to helping the theater out
during the year. They'll have to do with only 4 techies- if
that.

I could always go live with my dad, but that would end up
disasterious this soon. I may live in a hole-in-the-wall
now, but I NEVER leave the house at his place. Throw an old
animal into a completely opposite environment from what
they lived before and you'll probably see the same thing.
I'd better stop now.


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