Sleeping with the lights on
2002-08-11 22:01:38 (UTC)

9 days seems forever.

Well, it's been a fucking long time since I've wrote on
here. Not that it matters, I'm sure nobody reads this
anyways, and fuckin a if you do. I guess..
Looking back on the problems I used to have, they seem so
small to the ones I am facing now. Here's my delema.
-New Home..with a father that I haven't known for so many
years, finally I have made ammends with.
-New School..what are these people going to think of me?
They will probably think I'm the freak that I've always
been, fuck it.
-SOBRIETY..that's probably going to be my hardest one to
face. I haven't been sober for too long. It is a fucking
bitch. The biggest burden I have to face is MYSELF. That's a
hard one, I don't know who I am. I am constantly
panicking..worried and confused. My life has no meaning
anymore because the only meaning it had before was getting
high. Getting more, and getting high. I just don't even
understand myself anymore. I haven't taken a close look at
who I am..who I was in a long time. I just can't take living
here though, I hate this fucking town. The addiction in my
brain is used to this atmosphere. It just wants me to fail.
It really really does, and I've been letting it. I can't
help it though, sometimes it's just too overwhelming.
I..just can't take it.
I thought..oh..I'll never overdose, I can handle it this
time, and I can't. That's fucking bullshit that I've been
telling myself for a looooong time. It's just fucking
bullshit. I can't take that. fuck that.