my so called life
2002-08-11 14:37:16 (UTC)


I'm leaving this place in three days!
It's so weird.. I'm moving out.. I'm leaving home! I'll
probably never live at home again, I'll never live with my
parents again. Maybe I won't even live in this town. I
haven't really thought about it before. Ok, maybe that
sounds a bit weird, I'll try to explain. I guess I thought
a bit about it before I got together with Ben, but we've
been together for three and a half months, so back then the
whole moving-thing seemed so far ahead. So I didn't really
reflect on it. So, I started dating Ben and I tried really
hard not to think about the future, since it only made me
sad. Knowing that you boyfriend is going to be away for at
least a year doesn't really make you happy when you're so
much in love with him and you've become very dependent on
him. But anyway, when I thought about it, I just focused on
him leaving me, I didn't really think about the fact that I
am leaving as well. And before I even knew it, and way too
soon, he left. This week I've been so busy missing him and
feeling lonely, so it's just now that I'm getting my self
together and realizing that life goes on without him. I
look forward to moving, to starting a new life and to make
all these new connections with people. But it is kind of
scary too. But I think it will be a lot of fun.

Friday night Geri, Ally, Silvia and I went fishing for
crabs one last time. Joel, this English friend of Silvia's,
came after a while. The weather was great, and we had a lot
of fun. When we sat around the bonfire, I really missed
Ben. It was a lovely night, the sea was smooth as a mirror,
and I remembered the last time we went fishing for crabs. I
wrote about it in this diary. It was really windy, and Ben
kept me warm the whole evening before we went back to his
place and had an amazing night. I miss him so much.

Last night we all went out together. It was kind of like a
good-bye-party. I had so much fun! I drank a bottle of red
wine and danced all night. I was totally wasted when I got
home. Thank god for my allergy medicine! It stops you from
feeling sick the day after. So I'm fine today. Not like tip
top shape, but I'm not feeling sick or anything.
Oh, I had so much fun, I can't get over it. Being out,
having a good time, was really what I needed. I can't just
walk around, missing Ben and feeling sorry for my self all
day. But I do miss him a lot.
I went to work yesterday and then I went to the city to
pick up some stuff. I ran into my friends Ingrid and
Rebecca and I went with them to a coffe shop where Geri,
Ally, Bella and her boyfriend were. I went home and started
painting. I bought this t-shirt at Roskilde and when I
washed it, the prints went off. That was really annoying,
cause it was a very cool shirt, and I'm the only one who's
got it around here. It's black and red, and it's got this
chinese theme. It has a white chinese symbol, but after I
washed it, the symbol turned grey. So I bought some paint
and repainted it. It turned out pretty nice actually. While
I was in the middle of my painting, Ben called. That was
Saturday afternoon. The last time I talked to him, was
Thursday night. During the three and a half months we've
been together, we've talked every day. This was the first
time in 3,5 months we've had no contact for 24 hours. I
thought it was pretty funny. He had been camping, that's
why I hadn't heard from him. Not really camping, since it
wasn't for fun, but they slept in a tent and stuff.
It was nice talking to him. For the first time since he
left, it seemed like he really missed me. This week has
been really hectic for him, so I guess he hasn't had the
time to miss me. But now it was Saturday night and he had
nothing to do. He said he wished he was here with me. So
did I. He called later when I was at the vorspiel as well.
Of course I wished that I could have been there with me,
but if I'm going to be completely honest, I knew that I'd
have more fun without him. It's almost always like that.
It's just more fun partying when he's not there. Not that I
hit on other boys or anything, but still.. Oh well. I still
wish he was here with me. I'd rather have him here than go
out partying.

I'm going to work in two hours.. I don't want to! But it's
my last day.. hurrah! :)