sariki

My so called life.
2002-08-11 00:12:38 (UTC)

Day One

Well I am starting this mainly because my close friend and
love, died a few days ago (August 5th 2002). I wanted to
still keep him posted on my life, so this is where I will
be informing him of my goings on since I can't physically
talk to him anymore. His memorial page is
www.TomAlfonse.com if anyone is interested. So anyways,
where do I begin... I guess i'll start with some background
info..

Tom died Monday in a car accident. It was several weeks
after his 17th birthday. The last day i saw him was August
2nd. But i would prefer not to rehash all of that incident.

Anyways, its truely amazing how close a death brings
everyone together. People I was normally just aquaintences
with, now call me several times a day and we frequently see
eachother just to simply hug.

The only downfall to this warmth is that those people I was
closer to during the funeral, are now starting up their
lives again.. which i am trying to do the same. The hard
part is that although those people invite me to hang out
with them, i feel so terrible out of place.. I never hung
out with them unless i was with my friend, Tom. Now that he
is gone, I feel like i don't belong there. And let me tell
you, this is a terribly empty feeling.

My boyfriend found out how much i loved Tom after he died.
He realized that was the reason I could never say "I love
you" back to him... my heart was with someone else.
Needless to say, he was quite upset by this and felt as
though it should have been him in the car accicent instead
on tom. Though I try telling him it shouldn't be ANYONE. So at
the moment we are having some rather large relationship
difficulties.. which leaves me with no boyfriend for
support thru this either.

My family is doing their best to be supportive.. and i
appreciate it quite a bit... but its not the same coming
from them.. some of my other friends try as well, but they
didn't know tom like i knew him. I can't describe how it
feels.. i guess just like i dont really have anyone
anymore. even though I know i really do.

So yeah after all this for some reason I have lost my
appetite. I've lost 5lbs and down to about 1 meal a day..
which i guess isnt a good thing... but o well.

so i guess that was the background info.. as for today,
well i guess it was like the usual. Today was my first day
back to work since the accident.. and it was definately a
long day... or at least it felt like one even though it was
only a 5 hour shift. No rest for the weary i guess tho,,
they have me working almost every since f'in day next week.
*sigh*.. almost time to put in that 2 week notice.

Well i think i am going to attempt to eat some dinner now
and watch a movie. My parents ordered pizza in hopes it
would get me to eat lol. But i'll keep ya posted on what's
goin on Tom (and whoever else might be reading this.). ..




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