Living In The Dark
2002-08-10 08:43:49 (UTC)

I Am An Adult

Before I begin, I must state that I truly appreciate the
fact that so many of my friends and family are showing
concern about my health and welfare.


I work two jobs and I have three kids. Last week I moved
into a new house and got married and I am back to work
already because I am the only one with an income right now.
This is a stressful situation, I know. I get burnt out, I
know. It's not good for my health, I know.

The fact is, however, that sometimes you gotta do what you
gotta do to make things come together. I know that I am
putting out a lot of energy right now for future stability.

So I am working the graveyard shift right now, then running
over to the primary job first thing in the morning to do a
full day. My mother spends a good hour telling me how
terrible it is for me to do this and could she give me
money to stop working the second job?

Then hubby, who is clingy with newlywedded bliss and
suddenly experiencing the impotence of not being able to
work because of immigration policies and watching his wife
either running out the door or sleeping at all hours, takes
too long with the hugging and kissing goodbye. This, of
course, leads to a long angry phone call that was only half
his fault.

I don't mind being commended for my effort, nor do I mind
taking an offer of help to ease my exhaustion. What I do
mind is the nattering and the impedence. I don't want
people getting in my way and telling me to stop. They
should be standing behind me encouraging me to go.

I am like a marathon runner. It is more than physical, it
is mental and emotional - the need to complete something
difficult for a somewhat obscure reason. You don't see
people blocking the roadway during the last leg of the race
when the runner is red-faced and crying with each step. If
they did, they would get trampled. This is exactly what
will happen to my Mom and my husband if they don't get out
of my face.


Where will my destination be?
Even I cannot see.
And yet still faithfully this
Race I run
Yawing towards the sun.


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