Mezzo Swede

A Toast to World Domination
2002-08-10 07:09:29 (UTC)

Along Came a Spider...

I just got back from work and was making the bed...when lo
and behold....the hugest spider EVER. It was like 9 million
feet tall, and must have weighed at least twelve thousand
pounds, and I swear it had eleventy-four legs. I hate this
hot weather because all the Eight-Legged Freaks think it's
ok to move themselves from the movie theatres and the
general outside, and in with me. It's NOT ok. I saw the
spider a few minutes ago and was instantly turned into a
weeping, sobbing, freaked out mess. Every time I see a
spider, I feel victimized by their mere existence. It's
most unfortunate and most inconvenient, and not in the
least bit practical...hang on one second....
Shit! They are everywhere! I feel like I am living on the
set of Aracnaphobia. I've killed three of them in the past
five minutes! And one was IN the bed. I am losing my mind.
I read somewhere that on average, in a lifetime, a person
will inadvertently swallow 7-9 spiders. That is so gross. I
mean, I have hysterical fits if I see one across the room.
Thinking about SWALLOWING one? That makes me want to drink
gasoline. Why am I writing about this?! I think I am going
to be sick.




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