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2002-08-09 09:50:33 (UTC)

Something is wrong with me

Why cant I just be happy?
Now I got everything the way I want, but stil I feel so sad.
Its like something is wrong with me, and I dont know what.
All I want is that Tommy shall hold his armes aronund me
all the time, pour boy.
Now the pill make me feel sick and dissy like all the time,
quite inoing actually, he is feeling so sorry for me and
keep saying "my pour litte girl" I love hearing him say
I dont cry anymore, thats a problem, I used to cry all the
time before. I want to cary al the time, but I cant, the
only time I have cryed with tears on months is one time
thinking about my hear and Selina..
I have allways been intresting in pcycholog and think I
might want to study it, but I cant keep my self from
thinking when I think about my hair, is it my hair I want
back or is it Selina?
I think both, but I should not ne mixing those things, and
why am I suddently thinking of Selina all the time?
Its been four years, I should be better now, I should enjoy
my holdiday , Tommy, the fact that I stil got Samuel, and
life but I dont.
My holiday? Im thinking about its soon over all the time,
Tommy, I dont know, he is so sweet and nice to me, and
guess what, last night before we made love he said that he
loved me,(the three magick words, not the family one) I
have been thinking about it a lot the last two weeks, I
think I love him to, and I wanted to say it, but I was
scared he didnt feel the same so he would not say it back
or say it but lie, but then he said it I got so shocked
that I didnt say it back, lol.
We were lying in his bed, naked, kissing, talking and the
he said "I love you Angel" I got so shocked so I just
kissed him, but not shocked like when Dante said it, a
happy kind of a shock.

For the moment Im on a "holiday" to Tommy`s place, its my
summer vacation and I havent been aboard this summer so I
decided to go to him. He was so happy about it, he has to
go to work, but I can stay at his place.
I love it and hate it at the same time (I told you
something was wrong with me)
Yesterday I went shopping for groceries, I love the really
big supsermarkeds, I have always done that, so I walked far
away instead of going to the one near by, and it was so fun!
They have a lot of cool clothes in other shop`s in the same
mal, but all I did was looking in three big groceries
shops, I got everything I needed and tons of more and
walked home agen and made him dinner.
He was supose to come home at nornal time, so I had much
time and watched tv, feelt asleep, cleand the house and
stuff. But the I got a message sayiong he was home in 10
minutes and that was way before I had expected him so I had
to hurry, put on the potatos and run into the shower.
But I made it, weel he had to fry the steak but that was my
plan all the way, and I feelt so pround.
I meand, I had basickly not been doning anything except
ahving a geart time doing groceris, haha.
So I told him that I could not he a home wife, but he was
so proud of me and loved to come home to me;-)
Maybe its because I`ve been working so much lately that I
feelt useless even though I wassnt?
Dunno, well, Im at the libary now, and guess what?
Im going to do the groceries agen!
Love it!