BleedingMyselfDry

Am I insane? Or just surrounded?
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Ezoic
2002-08-09 04:21:21 (UTC)

July 31, 2002

Well it's all the same here at home. I still hate Stacy.
There's nothing really new going on. Sometimes i wish my
life was more exciting. Like an episode of sex and the city
or something like that. But something a little odd did
happen just a few minutes ago. I’m pissed off at the person
that I thought I couldn’t be mad at. Frankie. She was over
and we were having a fine time for a while. My parents
pissed me off as usual and she and Kenny glared at each other
for a while, we watched a stupid movie then got online. She
had told her mom that she would be home at 10:30. So
naturally, seeing as how this had to do with time/COMMON
SENSE, my friends fucked it up. She had at pointed out that
it was 10:30 and asked if i wanted to watch “Daria,” which
was just starting. Instead we stayed online. At about
11:00, I noticed the time and asked if she needed to go
home and she said “Ehhhhhhh, I’ll go home in a few
minutes.” I said, “Well call your mom and tell her.” and
then she told me that if her mom was pissed she was going
to blame it on my dad. This pissed me off so much because
it wasn’t his fault at all. She knew what time it was
because she had said it was 10:30 before but she
denys "realizing what time it actually was." She questioned
how it was her fault that my dad fell asleep, and I said
that it wasn't his responcibility to stay awake and if she
wanted to go home then all she had to do was ask. She
said "Well didn't know what time it was," and ended the
convorsation. I wish I had come back and said, "Well then
that's your fault not his so why didn't you tell your mom
that?" And my parents don't exactly have the best
reputation with her parents and her parents told her that
my family was never allowed to take her home again. I'm not
quite sure why that made me so damn mad but it did. It
reminded me of Stacy so much. I wish she had just blamed it
on me or something. Why couldn't she have said
that "*My name here!!!* made me stay and finish the movie."? Now my
two best friends have pissed me off more than ever. The
more time I spend with Frankie the more sarcastic she seems to get.
I'm so freakishly annoyed right now. I'm so sick of all this
hating. I wish I had a best friend like in the television
shows. It's not that Frankie isn't a great friend... I don't
know I think I just need some sleep. I need to get away. My
mom is taking me to New York in two days. At first I
loathed the thought of spending 4 days alone with my mom
but now I'm starting to look forward to the idea of getting
away from my life. Away from my friends who have done
nothing lately but piss me off, away from my brother who's
Christianity has become so annoying I want to take his
bible and hit him with it repeatedly until he's
unconsience, and Kenny who's sweet, but his presence, I've
found, makes me twitch in anger and the smell of his cologne
is beginning to give me a headache. I think I need a break.
And New York City will do nicely I suspect. I've never been
there so it will be a pleasent change of pace. And maybe
when I get back I will face the world more suttely. Is four
days really enough to do all that? I hope so. I don't know
what's wrong with me. I don't mean to be a hater but it
seems that everytime I hear the pledge of aliegence, or
anything patriotic for that matter, with something to do
with Jesus or god I get so angry. I don't believe in Christmas and
I don't want presents for it. And my brother's morals are
driving me crazy. I feel like my whole house is Christian
and I'm the black sheep. In everything. I feel so threatend
by my brother. It's so hard to compete with morals of that
magnitude. I'm afraid to brush my teeth wrong! I feel like
I'm just hanging from a rope and every little thing pushes
me down a little farther, and now I'm running out of rope
to hang on too. I feel like I'm about to slip off and lose
everything. I'm getting tired pretending to be happy,
funny, smart, sarcastic, annoying. It's just so tiring. I
wish I knew how to be myself. My life would be so much
easier! Well any way on a happier note, a few days ago
Ashley and Dina had a pool party. It was pretty fun. I have horrible
stretch marks on my tit's becuase they all grew in less than a month
so i was self concience about going in the pool, so I stayed out half
the time but at about nine I just gave up and jumped in. Frankie had
the empression that she looked like crap in her swimsuit so she
wouldn't get in. Kathy and I finally talked her into just jumping in
wearing her bra and underwear. It was dark so I doubt anyone noticed
but she got out after about a half hour. We had a less than
an elaborate game of keep the ball away from the only two
guys at the party, which consisted of about 6 girls
climbing all over these poor guys attempting to get the
ball away from them. One of the guys and I were playing
more of a keep-the-ball-away-from-eachother game. Nothing
happened though, not that I liked him enough to want
anything to, but it was fun while it lasted. I'm really in
the need of some enlightenment right around now... not
happening, so I think I'm going to sleep now and escape the
world for another night. As long as I know that the world
will still be here for me tomorrow... oh goody.


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