Am I insane? Or just surrounded?
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2002-08-09 04:17:50 (UTC)

July 8, 2002

Well my birthday sucked ass. I always end up crying every
year and yesterday was another one. jesus i hate my
parents. I wake up and i got a guitar which was completely
awsome because i really wanted an electric guitar and then
they were going to take me to pallace park with them to
ride the go carts. I was like haha NO! Fuck they piss the
shit out of me sometimes. And then we went out to lunch and
my mom kept striking up casual convorsations with the
waiter! I was like hurry the fuck up i want my food! So
then finally at like 3 in the afternoon we leave the stupid
restaraunt and go to pick up Frankie so we could shop. We
walked around for a while and i bought really comfy pants
and then i stole this black ring that i don't even think i
want anymore but ehhhh... my mom was being a bitch the
whole way in the car and then when we got there Frankie and i
rolled our eyes at her and went inside. After we got back i
just kind of sat around for a while doing nothing and then
i got online. I felt so special becuase everyone was
Instant messaging me and wishing me a happy birthday. I
didn't think so many people would remember. I was so happy
i couldn't stop smiling until i wanted to go to the
spectrum. I went and asked my parents if i could go and
they started bitching at me. i don't know they're just
always fuck heads to me all the time and my mom always
yells at me and my dad calls me a slut and tramp and stuff
and when we were on vacation, Dan told me that my mom had
said that she crys becuase she "hates the person i've
become." And i know no one in my family accepts me because
i'm not christian, and i'm not my daddy's little girl
anymore and i don't share my mom's same values. And my mom
makes me feel so useless and like i'm such a burden to her
and on my birthday is the day she's supposed to be nice and
i didn't get a party or anything and all i wanted for a
party or whatever was for her to drive me to the spectrum
and she said no becuase she didn't trust me to see the
movie i said i would. And then she said that i was too
young to go to the spectrum even though she told me if i
got an "A" in humanities she would let me and i did and she
took it back because she didn't think i was smart enough to
get it and was surprised when i did. And then she yelled at
me for like 10 minutes about how i was spoiled and never
appretiated her and how i never repay her for anything. and
Dan also told me how she says that she wishes she could be
proud of me but i make it really hard. And then i just
started crying on the couch and then she told me not to ask
for anything else. I was really upset and i started talking
to Frankie and Lance online and then Lance told me that his
birthday preasent to me was he was going to call my mom and
yell at her. He did. She got so mad at me and yelled at me
more. I don't know what's wrong with my family. I don't
know what's wrong with me. i feel like no one has ever seen
the real me. Not even my family becuase i feel like i have
to pretend that i'm someone else around them so i can "fit
in" i guess.

Ok well now it's later tonight and i'm in a good mood now so i'm
not going to continue that... maybe some other time. Well i
just got back from the movies with Stacy and Kathy. We
went to westminister seeing as how i can't go to the spectrum.
We saw the new Lil' Bow Wow movie \"LIKE MIKE.\" Stacy
thought it was stupid so we went into the bathroom and
danced around for about a half an hour. After that we went
to Chilie's and talked overly loudly and laughed at
storys... It was really great. After that we had a chip
fight in the resteraunt and got them all over. We felt
really bad so we left the waiter like a 50% tip though to
make ourselves feel less guilty. I still have chips in my
braw... hahaha. After that some wiered guy told Stacy she
had "a nice hat" (she was wearing a pink and plack newyears
hat) but I heard, "NIce rack!" and i yelled "FREAK!" and
the guy.
was really funny and then we all started sticking out our
boobs and pulling up our shirts and we had a "who looks the
most like a whore" contest where the waiter judged. I think
Stacy won but i'm not sure. hahaha. then we bought a camera
and stole some candy and took a bunch of pictures in front
of the movie theater. I got sugar from this sour candy
thing spilled all down my shirt so i'm going to have
several rashes tomorrow morning. Haha but it was fun and
well worth it. :)

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