sk8fabiola

ok, ok, so im not perfect.

Every time i end one relationship i make a pact to do
beter in the next one. Even when i stop hanging out with
certin friends i tell myself that i will do better. That i
will rise and become a better person.
I have yet to keep my own promise. Why can i promise
myself somthing so simple, and so good, for myself yet
never carry it out? I do better in my financial life. I
get a better job, the car, the pierceings, the cds, the
tickets to life. My ticket out of this rut. Every time
turn in these "tickets"i begin to climb out and peek over
the edge. The next thing i know the ground falls from
under me and i find myself back at the bottom, or farther
down than when i started.
To those of you who dont knwo me that seems kind of
silly, or hell to those of you who do know me it still may
seem silly. You dotn knwo too mcuh abotu me if you cant
understand the simple fact that i blame only myself. I may
make excuses and blme others outwardly, but it's always my
fault cuz i'm the fucked up one.
I lost marge, or rather we lost eachother. Marge is
the reason im doing this, becuase i cant take her not being
there and not seeming to care. What that has to do with
the above statment falls directly towrds the fact that onyl
two peopel in my life have actually made that big or a
differece in my life and y happiness. Marge and jenny. I
lost jenny due to distance and then marge left me for her
new boyfriend(no this was no lesbien kind of thing) she
cut my last thred of existiance. I didnt and still dont
knwo quite what to do. I dont know how ot handle myself
becuase what marge, jenny and i had was just plain and
simple love. I love the two of them so much and i cnat
understand how you could hurt soem one who loves you so
much. i'm jsut blabbering about this all now.. its too
strange.
I found some one. i found one of the best people on
earth. I could listen to him talk for years and not get
bored. i could spend for ever stareing into his eyes,
becuase no matter what were doing i'm happy.
i mean really who uses with word smitten? you have to be
amazeign to use that word. No one uses that word. and its
a great word. too bad he lives too far away..

this is my first entry .. its jumbled cuz that how i
think.. it's typed badly cuz i suck at typeing with accuracy