Mandy Kay

Tales of Life as a Good Girl
2001-07-10 05:49:50 (UTC)

I'm a Goddess, and should be treated that way!!!

Current music: none really
Current mood: A LOT of stuff...

Ok so right now I'm feeling:
1.Tummyache!! My parents took the Pepto Bismol out of my
bathroom, so now I have to steal it back. Note to self-
Taco Bell Oreo =BARF!
2.Love or lust? Maybe that's self explantory, but today
I've been questioning not only my motivations, but someone
else's. Maybe this lifelong dry spell of mine is making me
overly hormonal towards the first one that comes along. I
hope nothing too bad has happened yet.
3.Confusion...does he like me, love me or WHAT?! We're
just friends so he says, but is he SURE? And until when?
He always makes these comments about "when we move in
together", "when you sleep with me", "when we get married"
and all kinds of random things of that sort. W/E!
4.Empowerment. Don't I deserve better than this treatment
of "maybe, maybe not"? Just like David from Sea City said:
Women have lowered their standards way too much for guys to
be good to them. It's like the less they care the more we
love them. I believe I'm a goddess and dammit, I should be
treated like it. Look at me, I'm frickin beautiful!!!
(heehee) Sometimes he can be an ass... but then what am I
saying? How can I be saying this when he's so wonderful to
me 95% of the time? He does treat me well, really. I
guess the only thing that was really wrong was the way he
left things after we got back. I don't really even
remember what conclusion "we" came to. It was like, I
really like you, but not now b/c it's not right. If
someone needs to be empowered though, it's him. If he
really cares about me then he wouldn't be scared of my
friends enough to admit it! Are they so mean to him? If
THEY love me, they'd understand too, b/c I've told them we
make each other happy. I've never been able to bend him to
my way of thinking before, so why would telling him I want
to be with him now change anything? I need to talk to him
soo bad!!!!!!! Maybe he will understand and change his
mind, give this a chance. I don't even know why I bother
still, for some reason I just feel this is right. God this
is pathetic!!! AHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5.I miss somebody already. Most of the time, he's so sweet
to me. In person is the best way to say it. It's like
just looking at me and being with me brings out this side
of him that some people don't even know and wouldn't
understand if I tried to tell them.
6.A mixture of guilt and glee. I want to tell my friends,
the girls anyway. I have to. I'm dying to tell them every
single detail of every awesome moment. But I can't.
Though it's secretly kind of fun to giggle and
remember "what happened". Anyone I know who wants to know
what is was that "happened", sorry!! Can't tell you. You
will find out soon enough, when you need to, I promise.
But it's not like a big deal or anything.
Thus ends another entry, beginning another sleepless night of yours
truly staring at the ceiling all night, wondering what in the hell
she's gonna do about all this. Well peoples, that's all. Thanks for
reading, drop me a message sometime... don't be a stranger now.
~mandy, the goddess