LoveGod

Different Worlds
2002-08-09 00:56:26 (UTC)

I do NOT miss high school

I went to the band exhibition tonight. I came to the
conclusion that I don't miss marching band, or any of the
people I knew back in the day. Adam didn't even bother to
speak to me, although he walked right by me twice. While
I was talking to his dad Rachel came up and just hugged
his mom. It was disgusting. But then I find most things
she does disgusting. I've also come to the conclusion
that no one really liked me to begin with. I was walking
around talking to people with Eric and everybody would get
really excited and hug him and stuff and then it was "oh,
hey Lindsay." I hate this place. I can't wait to leave.
Haley is about to drive me crazy. I'm so sick of her
too. I'm so glad she's starting school tomorrow.
Otherwise, one of us would probably get hurt. Oh well.
Adam is such a jerk. Does it really take so much for him
to just walk up and say hey? He didn't have any problem
talking to Rachel. She'll be the one he writes checks to
with the memo line that says "for sexual favors". I'm
still so bitchy about her. I think I'm just being bitchy
in general. Jessica F. said she was doing good. She has
a boyfriend and she's not pregnant and she's not trying to
kill herself, so I guess that qualifies as good. I want
to go back to school where I have friends. Now that
Haley's going back to school, I can finish reading my book
for ISM and I can actually have some quiet time to spend
with God besides at 4am. I fell asleep in the pool for a
while this afternoon, but I didn't get sunburned, so I'm
happy about that. Life's little pleasures. Adam is a
jackass. If he's so spineless that he can't walk up to me
and say hey or at least wave or something, I don't want
him in my life. I just don't know him anymore, and I'm
not sure I want to. I did talk to Renee' for a few
minutes. She's always so nice. It's kind of nauseating.
I sort of expected Matt to be there, but I didn't see
him. I would imagine that it would be pretty hard for him
to see Renee'. I mean, he couldn't really have avoided
her. He could have made me feel better about trying to
deal with Adam being a jerk. I can't believe Adam asked
me if was a date! I wonder who told him we went out. It
was either Renee' or Rachel, although my money would be on
Renee'. I don't understand how she's always so nice to
everyone. I should work at that. Dammit...why did I put
this CD in? This is the stupid song that made me cry
every single time I heard it last summer. I'm such a
nerd. And I heard mine and Adam's prom song the other
day. I hate being around all these memories of us.
That's one thing I love about school--Adam has never been
there. I don't look at the clock hanging on the wall and
remember that time he changed the battery. I don't go
looking for a bracelet and have to look in the jewelry box
he gave me. I don't have to walk in the yard where we sat
and watched the stars practically every time we went out.
I don't have to go by putt-putt or the theater or the mall
or wal-mart or his house. I don't look at my Bible and
picture us going to church. I don't think of him every
tiem I walk into Subway. I want to be somewhere besides
here because he's here. Even if it's just in my memory.
He's here and it's plaguing me and I can't make it go
away, and I can't make it stop. I can't even make it any
easier. Okay, I'm done ranting now. I think I'm going to
go e-mail Matt now because I wish we could talk and it
will probably make him feel better if I vent to him. And
he'll probably end up making me feel better. Matt is such
a great guy. Adam is such a jerk. I can't wait to get
back to Chris and Chris and Brett(although he's attached)
and Jake and Sam and Steven and a billion other fantastic
people. I can't believe I almost forgot Steven. He's so
great. I'm going to miss Sarah and Aris a lot this year.
But Sarah will be back in January. Woohoo. Okay, I'm
really boring myself now. May God bless you and give you
what you need whether you want it or not.




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