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2002-08-08 07:32:14 (UTC)

falling apart from the inside and now outside too

3 21 am
i just read a book.
alli let me borrow it tonight.
"private passions"
it was actually pretty good. the dialogue could have been
a little better. but i liked it a lot.
i have another one lined up too.
it has a religious undertone though, and i dont know how
thatll work with me. but well see.

i got in some stupid arguement with emily tonight that
however short lived was made up for by intensity.
and i felt horrible about it.

i miss sleeping with someone. it gets harder every night i
think rather than better.

i want to run away from everything right now.
i feel so alone and like even the people who are the
closest to me dont care or notice.
and its not like im reaching out for them.
i dont do that.
i never have.
maybe i should try.
but what would i say anyway
there really is nothing to say
and i smile so well
that people dont even notice when i cry

my eyes hurt from my book and the veins under my skin are
getting easier and easier to see.
i hate that.

i lost more weight.
i dont know what to do about it.
i made myself eat at dennys tonight.
grease and all.
and other than feeling nauseous the rest of the night
i doubt itll change anything
i did take a vitamin though.
go me on my one night health kick. whoo hoo.