I'm a girl, not a band!!!
2002-08-08 06:39:02 (UTC)


In August of 2000, I moved back up to Tallahassee. My
sister was beginning her freshman year at FSU, and I
thought that I had pulled my life together enough to take
another stab at being on my own. I found a friend who said
he'd share an apartment with me, and we found a nice
place, reasonably priced, and signed the seperate leases.

But, as my luck would have it, he couldn't move in with
me, and I got assigned to live with a random person in the
complex. I had put a deposit down on a furnished
apartment. Well, the one that I got assigned to wasn't
furnished by the complex, but by the girl who was there
first. Her name is Daniyell. Yup. That's spelled
correctly. Well, all her stuff was in the house, and I got
the back bedroom and attached bath. I didn't have a bed,
so I worked it out that I was supplied a bed, desk, and
dresser, and only had to pay the unfurnished monthly rent,
which was cheaper.

Well, I consider myself a nice, friendly, fun person. I
thought that I could get along with just about anyone. It
started off well, so it seemed. She came down to talk to
me in the beginning, as I was putting my kitchen stuff in
the 2 cabinets (out of 6) that she had kindly given me.
But whatever, I can deal. Just moved on.

The whole downstairs was decorated by her. Lots of
doilies, ugly china figurines, fake flowers, and lamp
shades with the plastic still on them. Overdone wall
hangings, etc. It was all her stuff. The only thing down
there that was mine was a TV and VCR that I brought with
me. She told me to make myself comfortable, and it wasn't
a big deal and just be at home. "How nice!" I thought. The
2 bedrooms were upstairs.

About 3 weeks after I moved in, I had 2 acquaintances over
for dinner. We wanted to watch a movie while we ate. So,
we sat on the couch, and watched and ate and were having a
fine time until she came home.

I say hello when she walks in, and she kinda grunts and
storms upstairs. Then I hear her call me from upstairs
that she would like to talk to me. So, I go talk to her. I
get told that everything downstairs was hers, and she
didn't want anyone eating around them because we'd mess
with her 'decorations'.

Being that I hate confrontation, and hate having people
mad at me even more, I took the role of the bad child
having been caught with her hand in the cookie jar and
apologized and apologized. My friends went home.

I was starting to do the dishes, and clean up, when I got
to thinking that I payed just as much to live there and
she had no right to tell me what I could and couldn't do.
Soon she came down and started to yell at me again. I told
her that if she didn't like me being around
her 'decorations' (who the fuck gets into a fight over
figurines and wall hangings?!?!?) then maybe she should
move them. She told me that she wasn't going to move her
stuff for some piece of shit girl who didn't know her
place. I had no words.......

I had to leave, so I took a drive. I was gone for about 4
hours. I came home, scared to death. This girl intimidated
the shit out of me. I may be a big girl in size, but
everything else about me is small. I am very easy to walk
over, to intimidate, to hurt, etc. When I opened the door,
and walked in, everything was gone. Off the walls, off the
table, everywhere. She moved the furniture to one side of
the room and stacked it up so that I couldn't use it. From
then on, if I was downstairs, I sat on the floor.

Daniyell stayed in her room. She never came out. She
didn't cook, so she'd always either go out to eat or bring
something home. She padlocked her door when she left so
that I couldn't get into her bedroom. As if I'm a thief
who would rob her blind, and then go to my room across the
hall as a hideout.

All the bills were in her name. I never saw a single one.
She stopped talking to my face, and everything that she
wanted to say to me got written down and taped to the
refridgerator. The bills were there too, with exactly how
much I owed, and when it was due. I have no idea if it was
correct, or what.

The notes on the fridge came more frequently. I was told
that I was a stupid fat-ass. I was informed that I didn't
deserve to live. It was written that I was a truly awful
person and had no friends, no life and didn't deserve them

She ever so slowly chipped away at the little self esteem
I had at the time, until I literally had a breakdown. I
couldn't do anything but lay on my bed and cry. After 2
days of crying, I finally called my house, and my parents
told me to get in my car (I believe it was midnight at the
time) and drive home NOW. It's a five hour drive from
Tallahssee to my house.

The day finally came that I was moving. My mom and bro
came up to help me move everthing back down. I was leaving
about a month and a half before my lease was up. I didn't
care. We packed up everything, but before we left,
Daniyell came screaming out of her room, and proceded to
cuss out my mother. To tell my mom that she raised a
bastard child in me, and that it was no wonder I was as
stupid as I was. It was her piece de resistance.

There were no words to be said. We packed up everything
that I owned as fast as possible with her following me and
screaming obscenities at me. I did my best to ignore her
and not respond, but I was crying the whole time. On the
way out of town I stopped at the post office to change my


I suffer from depression. I hate that phrase so much. It
seems like I can't control my own emotions. However, I
think this experience (above) pushed me over into where I
am today. Living with her was the shove under the water.
That drowing feeling.

It is 2:35am EST right now. Sometimes I get flashbacks to
living with her. I know that I haven't explained how
terrible it was. It probably doesn't sound that bad. But I
was living in fear for 10 months. That's a long time.

I am writing this now because I was laying in bed and
something (I don't know what) suddenly reminded me of
living there. I am hoping that writing will purge some of
those feelings.

I wish it had never happened.......where did I go wrong?