My Life's Thoughts
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2002-08-08 05:51:20 (UTC)

today is august 8 twenty days since my last entery

I can't sleep tonight,strange since i been sleeping better
than usual these days,but something keeps bothering me. I
think it has somthing to do with me. I'm over weight and i
want to change that by becomeing anerexic,but i love food
to much. i don't eat because i'm hungery i eat because i
love i the taste of food. I know a bad habbit. I find that
if i have an obbsesion that i don't think about it and i
don't eat,not to mention smoke another bad habbit i can't
get rid of.
I'm also writing cause it is my obbsession i
love it every thing about it helps me to relax. I want to
write about the wind as it hits my face and it makes my
cheeks go from warm to cool in just that one gust of wind.
My thoughts are now with Jeffery as he
sleeps in bed his soft snoring is almost mesmerising and i
could just sit up and listen to it.Oh to just touch his
face and lips while he sleeps would be worth all the money
in the world, god how i love this man,he has no clue that
my life my entire being is in him everthing i know and love
is in him. I miss turning over and kissing him and for him
to kiss me back. I long for those days again, where we
could stare into eachothers eyes for what seemed like an
enternity,but now he just rolls over or pushes me away,
somtimes i wonder if he will ever love me like that again.
I often think that if i leave for awhile maybe he would
relize that i am a woman and i need those things from him I
need to know that without a dought that i am the one. And
yet he pushes me away. One day if he reads this he will
know that i do love him and i could not imagine anyone else
in my heart or in my bed.

He did use his last name with my
full name today though. He said Cathy Renee Gossett I'm not
his wife but to be his wife would make me the happiest
woman on earth,I would be proud to be his in this life and
any other as far as i'm concerned. The sun rises and sets
on him and I need to know that beyond a showdow of a dought
that he feels that way too.
To roll over in the midle of the night
and kiss him and he kiss me back,would be everything
again,it was then that i never wanted it to end and hoped
and prayed to god that it would stay that way. My love
remains but Jeff now rolls over.

It is now later in the day and i can't
help but think the quality of freindship,what it takes and how to be
a good freind and how to know if you have one. Is it at all possible
to have a freind without them actually knowing you as you are. can
you have a freind without things or are they considered acantances.
my last freind was not what i wanted in a freind but she was still
there when i needed her the most.

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