Reality Bites
2002-08-08 05:22:34 (UTC)

Not Myself

Today after practice I went to get some diet pills but
there wasnt a lot open and where I went didn't have them,
so I'll get them tomarrow. I'm feeling better already just
having a glimmer of getting that control back. Funny thing
is that ever since this morning since I got all frusterated
and made the decision, I havent eaten which is good. I
can't stand when my weight gets out of control like this.
It makes me sick to my stomache. A hundred thousand
thoughts run through my mind like what will Luke say when
he finally sees me after he hasnt seen me in 3 months and
I've gained a collective 15 fuckin pounds? And I'll be in a
cheer uniform, that'll be real cute. And what is everybody
else going to say? And what will that say about me? I'll
tell you, that I have no control what-so-ever about my
life. Who's gonna want me when I look like this, WHO!? I
don't even want me. It's so fuckin patronizing when people
keep telling me how pretty I am, I want to punch them! LOOK
AT MY STOMACHE PEOPLE! My stomache is atrocious and until I
fix it and get it cute and better than ever I will not
rest! I have come to the conclusion that I'm unlovable
until I loose this FAT.It makes me literally sick! Oh yes,
I will loose 25 pounds before school starts, oh yes.

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