Cute Chaos

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2002-08-08 04:16:58 (UTC)

Wet Eyes

I was talking with Jessi last night. I started to weird
out because we were talking about Korrie. I was talking
about how she likes or should I say would "date" every guy
that I like. I start to run on and on about how she is
going to homecoming with Chris and how she likes Tony and
everything else. Then Jessi told me that I was jealous of
her. I started to think about it. Hate to admit it but I
am. She is so pretty. Like the perfect body, short and
really nice legs. She has bigger boobs than me and a
really nice smile with prefect skin, long shiny hair. What
not to like? She always brags about guys too. I don't have
guys that just walk up to me and want to talk. I never get
a ton of guys who like me or want to party with me. I
started to cry. I hate crying. I have only cried like
three times before. Then the flood gates opened. I was
crying about being raped and about my mom, about how ugly
and fat I am. Also, the music I was listening to did not
help. I stopped talking with Jessi because I logged off of
AIM. I got back on to apologize and she asked what was
wrong. I started to rant about how I hate myself and my
life. How nothing good ever happens to me. Then about how
no one ever cared or cares about me. The fact that I have
no friends. I don't have a best friend, and no one
considers me a best friend. Then the people that I do
consider friends (Korrie and Jessi) exclude me. Then don't
invite me to anything they do. I really don't talk with
either of them. I was pissed. Then about how I have to put
up this front so that everyone will like me. She kept
saying everything opposite to what I was saying so that
was a pointless conversation and I started to cry again.
Last night sucked really bad. Wally is trying to cheer me
up and he did a pretty good job. I just wish that I could
find a new group of friends sometimes. Or move. Get away
form it all and just be me.


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