kajco03

A Day in the Life of Me
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2002-08-07 20:34:00 (UTC)

when you see

it hurts to realize how much you don't feel about a person.
it sucks to know that they don't feel that way about you
even more. you realize that all you will ever have are your
foolish, childish dreams. the only remaining thing you can
cling to may fade willingly or not depending on how much
you want to forget. but if it hurts so much to remember
seems the only thing you would want to do would be to
forget. but you had such wonderful times in your dreams.
you ponder all the maybe's, what if's and if
only's....you're left wondering how the hell you got there
and why you feel that way. it takes so much time to figure
out why it feels so bad to be normal. what's wrong with
wanting to be in love with one person? what's wrong with
desiring to be close to one super guy? what's so wrong with
wishing to be held in strong arms and rocked, or sweet
things whispered in her ear? why can't i tell him that i
would love to sit in the park with him and watch the
sunset? do i have a problem if i want to just feel him put
his arms around me, and slow dance with him, feel his
heartbeat against mine? is it so wrong for me to want to
feel him breathe or see him smile or hear him laugh? i
guess it must be. when you see the things that you desire
that you can't have and you can't figure out why you can't
have them it makes you wonder what you did wrong. you ask
yourself why you couldn't just let a friendship be just
that. why did you have to push until there was no more
space, and why'd you have to pull until you took up all the
slack?
it's not all his fault. but if it's not all yours, then
whose to blame? is it fate, or is it your running
imagination? is it that space between your ears that soaks
up all the information from the things around it and makes
it seem as though that's how life should be? maybe i'm too
much of a sponge. and maybe there's no such thing as the
real world, and it is all a lie we have to rise above. but
i want to be invincible as long as i'm alive. how much
longer can i breathe in a world the doesn't exist?


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