WillowGirl

All my thoughts, crazy they may be...
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Ezoic
2001-07-09 21:29:44 (UTC)

I am no longer lost...

Well at least I don't feel lost anymore...This past weekend
I spent some time with a great group of people. People who
in my eyes are very magical, very special and I love
dearly. I have been feeling so lost and unsure of myself
lately, with all that has been going on in my life. At
times I felt sadden and depressed. I was also confused
about what choices to make, worried how they would effect
others, worried what others were thinking and feeling. I
wasn't really thinking about how I would feel. I wasn't
really thinking about me at all. That's when I started to
feel lost... And for awhile I couldn't find myself. I
tried searching , I mean really soul searching. But,no
matter where I went I really didn't feel like I belonged.
I felt somewhat like an outcast. Like being in a foreign
land and not knowing the language. At times I felt like I
was underwater and I couldn't get up for air, I was
drowning and panicing. But this weekend, I felt like
myself again, I felt I had finally found the candle lit in
the window to lead me home. I felt that a little place
that seemed so empty was finally full again, and that I
need to keep that there. I feel it was because of the
people I was with, they are not only wonderful friends but
they are my family. Four years ago when I met two of these
wonderful people, (I will call them TC and UF) they gave me
such a warming, welcoming hug and said to me "Welcome
Home". From there I got to know them and they introduced
me to more wonderful people. I haven't seen them all in a
year, and a lot has happened to all of us in a year, but
they still hugged me with that warm, welcoming hug and
said "Welcome Home". I knew at that moment it was okay
now. Everything was going to be okay now. I knew that it
didn't matter what level of teachings I am in, what color
cord is tied around me, whether I had a certificate in some
special training or not. I knew I didn't have to prove my
intelligence, my skills, my strength, my courage and
knowledge for these people know me already and know who I
am and what I am capable of. The two people I look up to,
who I put on a pedestal, who I look to and say someday I
want to be like them, was with me or I was with them either
way you look at it, it was wonderful. And to see and spend
time with all these wonderful people(my friends, my
extended family)that I actually feel I can be myself with,
well what can I say? Hmmmm! it was great, wonderful,
spiritually refreshing and magically enchanting. I didn't
want to leave. I wanted to absorbed as much of that moment
as I possibly could to carry with me, so the next time I am
feeling lost, I will have a piece of that with me to bring
right back home. And I know that all of them are only a
phonecall/email away. I love you guys, thank you so much
for making it all better, (even though some of you didn't
know that you made my boo-boos go away). I am truly the
luckiest person I know, just look at my friends and
family. They are WONDERFUL ! :-) Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy
(giggle) {dancing around, doing the happy dance) :-)


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