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2002-08-07 16:36:15 (UTC)

Trying to Type as Much as I Can

The first entry. I never know what to say in the beginning, no matter
what kind of beginning it is.
I love to write, but I never finish a story because I, The
Perfectionist, think it sucks big time when I look back at it later.
I don't meet new people very well, because I never know what to say
at the start. People have to get me going, and then I can be friendly.
I never finish a picture, because, like the stories, I begin to
think it deserves to be crumpled up and thrown away, as much as I
absolutely love drawing anime.
I don't keep journals because, in the end (or at least after a
couple of pages) all I have to say is how obsessed I am with one boy
or another and the journal is forgotten, hidden, somewhere in a
drawer. I don't know how long I will be able to keep this certain
journal, but hopefully no one important will read it and know all my
deepest darkest secrets.
Ugh, it's so complicated.
I'm sitting at my computer, drinking my Special Hot Chocolate,
eating a thousand Twinkies, staring at the screen, and I'm wondering
what to say next. How about a spurr-of-the-moment poem?
Everyone I know says I'm an artist.
I think I'm a slacker.
Everyone thinks I'm happy with myself.
I think it's all just an act.
Everyone says I am important to them.
I think I mean nothing to the world.
Everyone believes in me, the Precocious Girl.
The only thing I believe in is love
And even that didn't turn out for me in the end.

Okay, okay, so I need a lil' practice. Ew, for some reason this hot
chocolate tastes like chalk. Eck, yuck yuck yuck.
Maybe tomorrow I'll have something deeper and more profound to say,
Ah, yes, one more warning before I log out: I love a lot of things.
Every once in a while, I'll say, "I love this!" or "I love that!"
and just to let ya know: it's absolutely true. Sometimes I use it for
emphasis, but if I do I'll say it. Otherwise, I love it. And alright,
it's more than "every once in a while", it's pretty much round the
clock thing. ;)


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