the world through my eyes
Ad 0:
2002-08-07 01:36:11 (UTC)

i hate this feeling...

i know i've suffered my defeats, but this is my most
gigantic. i know that know one actually takes the time of
day to read a single thing that is going on in my life.
theres just so much shit it would take a whole other
lifetime to tell. theres so many things that is on my mind.
i cant take all of this.

i want to be with him so bad, it hurts me so much to think
that he may love another girl. i just wish that it would
actually happen. what i want in life.

i feel like i'm going to explode. just explode with all
these feelings. like theres so much in me. i cant help but
cry at night. cry away the many things that hurt me. cry
away the people who knocked me down and WOULD NOT pick me

i feel like i cannot trust a damn person. and when someone
expects to be trusted i can't because of the past. why
can't i have had the good childhood that i wanted. everyone
else was happy, but me, i had no dreams, just night mares.
if i told you a dream i had, i'm sorrie i lied. i just wish
i had those dreams.

i wish so much i can have him, but instead he chooses the
alternative. his girlfriend. i have heard she treats him
like shit and cheats on him and shit. i have never ever
cheated, nor will i ever. i cant stand it. i've been used
and everything. why cant my life be normal? but then again
the question is, what is normal?

why am i here, alone, crying. i seriously need to find my
true-self. i need to find out who i realli am. i dont know
who i am. i dont know anything about me. from where i'm
standing, it is all a lie.

i have nothing more to live for. i realli want to just drop
out of school, and run away. i've been called a freak.
maybe i should join a freak show or something.

i can't take it anymore. my writing sucks. my poetry sucks.
i suck at soccer. i suck at track. i suck at volleyball. i
suck at everything. fuck i need to just curl up and die.
but when will that moment come into the picture? when will
i finally reach my end. i think that the end is near, and
if it isn't, then death is just teasing me.

i feel so much like i'm pushing everyone out of my life. i
can't even stare at anyone straight in the face and feel
cared. like they believe that i'm a friend. my "friend"
from leigh just wants to screw around with me. oh yes thats
just the exhileration i need from someone to get me away
from sex and messing around...


comment if you want.