Scenes from a Marriage
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2001-07-09 16:17:13 (UTC)

Monday, July 9th

I spent the weekend in some "low" place that I could not
find my way out of. I just felt very lost like everything
was out of my control. I avoided the boys like the plague,
I just want them to go away, Jordan is truly psycho, he was
telling Justin all kinds of horrible things while they were
both grounded for hitting. They are just making everyone's
life miserable. I keep having this dream that Michael's
truck is going to get keyed, or something happen to our
house from the babysitter, her family, or friends. They
are just all too unstable and into paybacks. What if they
would do something to Ben? I would feel horrible, I mean
hubby deserves whatever he gets out of it, but Ben and I
did nothing. Kind of how I feel about the boys, we tried
to do something nice and then what has it gotten us,
absolutely nothing but heartache. I guess then there is
this weird part of me that still wants to try to adopt a
baby, I know that sounds totally insane. It probably is, I
just need to be happy with the good son that I have. Give
him a good life, hockey career, baseball, St. Louis Blues
season tickets, the best clothes and a car when he turns
16. All the things a kid would want.