Cath

my so called life
2002-08-06 19:31:34 (UTC)

I miss you

Warning : This is going to be sloppy!!

I'm doing better now.
I'm not constantly on the verge of crying, but I do miss
him a lot. I talked to him today, and it felt so good.
He doesn't know if he'll get in.. he'll know tomorrow
morning. It's like the hardest thing to get in to. If he
doesn't get in, he'll be shiped somewhere else. He's
probably got three choices; the Guards, way up north in our
country or Kosovo. I was like you're NOT going to
Kosovo!!!!! He said the Guards would probably be too
boring, so he's going way up north. He'll have some fun
there and he'll have more spare time.. So that's good. The
only problem is that it's very expensive to come home or to
where I'll be living. So that sucks :( But maybe he'll get
in.. but then he will have like NO spare time..
Oh, I hate this! Why can't we just be together?!?
It's just so.. unfair!!
Hearing his voice felt so.. good.

Also, Geri called last night and that made me happy. I
didn't feel quite so alone. We'll get together one of these
days.

I went to the city with Jane today. That was fun.
We went to a cafè and then I picked up my pictures from
when I was a russ, from Roskilde and from Crete. They were
nice pictures. We were looking through the ones from Crete
and I was going ooohh everytime there was a picture of Ben.
Jane said 'you two.. you two are just perfect together!'
And we are! Oh, sweetie, I miss you so much.

Last night I went to work. It was so boring! For the first
two hours there was NOTHING to do. I just stood there like
a complete moron. I had nothing to do but think of Ben and
how much I missed him. Then at 10:15 pm there was so much
to do. I worked my ass of. I didn't finish till 11:45 pm
and I had to walk home. I takes about 20 minutes. The
entire town was covered in a heavy fog, so it was pretty
scary to walk alone.
When I got home, I had received a good night - message from
Ben. It was so sweet ;
'Hello sweetheart :) We're supposed to sleep now, so I
wanted to say good night to you. Sleep tight and sweet
dreams. I love you lots and lots. :*'

Oh yeah.. He said he LOVED me the other day.. WOOO
But it was kind of weird..
I had spent the night at his place and we were lying in
bed. He had this banner-thingy on his wall which said 'I
love baseball'. I thought it said 'I love basketball'.
I asked 'Do you love basketball?' (I used the norwegian
word for love LOVE, not care about).
'No,' he said. I realized that it said baseball, not
basketball, so I said 'Oh, do you love baseball then?'
At the same time he said 'I love YOU.'
Since we said it at the same time, I wasn't sure if that
was what he said. So I just repeated 'Do you love baseball
then?'
I was thinking oh my god, did he just say what I thought he
said?!?
He was quiet for a while, then he said 'No, I love you'.
It was my turn to be quiet for a while. Remember it's me,
the one with issues when it comes to just saying that I
care about someone.
Then this warm feeling filled me and I whispered in his
ear 'I love you too'.
So it wasn't like for real, since it was about baseball in
the beginning, but the big thing is that I said I love you
too.. That's a big deal, but I said it and it didn't even
fell weird or wrong.
Cause I do. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me.
He treats me like a princess, and he's always putting my
needs ahead of his own. I can see in his eyes that he loves
me and adores me, and feeling his body against mine is the
best feeling in the world. When he stands behind me, with
his arms around me and kisses my cheek and neck, my whole
body tingles. That is why, I, with all my issues, can
say 'I love you so much' and mean it from the bottom of my
heart.

I love you and I miss you, but I know we'll get through
this because we are meant to be. We are perfect. I love
you.
:* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :*
(Twenty kisses for you my love)




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