Phil's Nonsense
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2001-07-09 09:19:42 (UTC)

Another day, I want my dollar. . . (7-9-01)[Personal]

I've decided to group my journal entries as personal,
theoretical, and material. Material is gonna be about
things and stuff. Personal is gonna be my feelings and
emotions, and theoretical is gonna be whatever rant I have
about something. I am gonna try to do one of each each
day, don't know.

So this is my personal one. . . let's see what we have.

I have come to the conclusion that I am not attractive.
I'm not ugly either, which does me well I guess. But I'm
20, I still have acne (though nothing serious, just an
occational thing). I'm 5'10 and weigh 135 lbs so I'm
pretty scrauny. I have a long face. I don't have a good
smile, I don't have good eyes. I don't have a good voice.
I have bags under my eyes that I can't get rid of. I don't
have any visible muscles though I work out every day. I
have a little chest hair, not enough so it looks normal.
And I can't do anything with my hair. I can side part it,
I can comb it forward, that's about it.

Why do I think all this, was at a pool party today. No one
is even interested in me really. Granted, I am one of
the "chaperones" (I am 20 and do this thing with teens.
But some teens are old enough to be friends and such). If
people don't need me for my brain, they just leave me to
hang. I would love to know where I went wrong.

I guess what's even more frustrating is that I see kids who
look like me and they get girls. They don't even try, or
even have a horrible personality.

I've also come to the realization is that no girl besides
my mother has ever seen me in my boxers since I was a
child, or even seen my boxers for that matter.

I also want to know why my body wants to sleep a minimum of
12 hours a day. It used to be I would sleep for 6 or 8
hours, would wake up, then fall back asleep and wake up
every hour till I got up. Now I just sleep straight threw.

Well, that's all for now.

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