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2002-08-06 03:18:24 (UTC)

trips to the center of yourself

trips to the center of yourself
hmm most people don't have to travel far. But what is
wrong with that? Aren't we all that way? I jump subjects
and the English won't be great at times, but if you don't
like it, don't read. So I look like shit right now, ugh, I
haven't shaved since Thursday, maybe I should just let it
grow out. I have to many problems to worry with how I
look, but then that is the center of my problems, so what
would I do with all my free time? I am shy, often
misunderstood, and never say what is on my mind. Yet it
seems like I say way to much at all the wrong times. I
feel less alone when I am sitting with someone I like and
not talking then I do at a family reunion with tons of
people around. Unless of coarse drugs are involved. I
obsess about little things that don't matter and try not to
worry about the big problems. Worrying doesn't help
anything anyway, it just makes you get old, and who wants
to get old? Hmmm I already feel that way. It is relevant
I guess. The most intimate form of love (sex) means less
to me then small little things, like holding hand with
someone or cuddling. I like sex and all believe me I am a
Scorpio, I just like knowing someone is there, to make me
feel less alone. But then at times I would give anything
to be alone, and I want to just beat my roommate when he
comes in. Yet some people I think I could live inside and
never get tired of them. Love gets people into trouble,
but I guess it makes the world go around too. There are
those who need the love of someone to survive and then
there are those who rely on other things. In my opinion
people are drugs too and many times a lot more dangerous
and expensive. Peoples problems are always defined by
other peoples normalcy's. And since I don't think anyone
is normal, therefor no one is crazy. So are just farther
from the median then others. There will always be the
perfect people, and trying to copy TV, I wonder if they are
just here to make us feel inadequate. There use to always
be people that made me feel uneasy or as if I don't belong
or am not good enough. Then I woke up one day and realized
I am not in high school worry about bigger things. Like my
hair. Game over, I will never be the perfect boy who can
wear white and never spill on it, or live a life that
others don't agree with, but I can't worry about that. So
I am finishing with a quote: Some say you should always be
yourself, I say "be whoever you want to be"!!!