sparkled*dreams

OnLy ½ Of Me Is KnOwN
2001-07-09 04:53:15 (UTC)

I'm Changing

I'm changing. I really think I am.. I'm starting to look at
things differently and I wanna do different things. I'm
tired of this life I'm living. I'M TIRED OF IT. And what
I'm tired of the most is my dad. I'm tired of taking his
shit. I've tried to fight back, but he's got one more
time... one more time to fuck up one GOOD time ...
"I'm only pretty sure, that I can't take anymore..."
I'm tired of playing this good girl. I WANT TO LOSE MY
INNOCENCE. I don't want to be serious anymore. I want my
life to be FULL of FUN!! Why waste your time worrying about
shit? I wanna get high.. SO HIGH, just once more. I wanna
do coke- I wanna trip- And the whole while, I want someone
next to me doing it with me. I want someone who isn't gonna
tell me "no" someone who WILL tell me it's not good, but
they will let me do what I want. Trav told me not to do X
b/c I'll probably be more than likley to get raped. And if
I was going to do it I should call him before I did it. In
a way, that is really nice of him to say. But I think he
said there were like 4 stages. The last one makes you
horny. I can get ANY of this shit. I can get ANY of it.
I can't help but feel this way. And everyone can tell me
it's not good b/c drugs are bad. Don't think I don't know
that shit kills you. I KNOW WHAT IT DOES. I'm not stupid,
I'm WELL aware of it ALL. I don't know what to think or do
anymore. People aren't who you think they are anymore...
and people change. I'm just now realizing that because it's
happening to me.
"I don't know why the fuck I'm here in the first place, My
worst day on this earth was my first birthday" - Eminem
I think that is the BEST quote in the world... b/c that is
how I FEEL right NOW.