2002-08-05 23:44:11 (UTC)

sleep to dream..

i have been sleeping a lot. they're all starting to notice
but. i dont know. when i feel bad about it, i can cut or
i can go to sleep, or more usually both. does he notice or
care at all?
why is he being like this? all cute and nice and stuf but
i dont understand... part of me thinks i really dont know
him at all and hes all deceptive and malicious and part of
me thinks no he couldnt be, hes just confused...
but if he loved me, why cant he break up with her? who
the fuck is she? how could she be so important? shes no
its so confusing. i need a job really bad.. im like, out
of money.
i want him here with me all the time.
i was going to talk to him last night. but then no. he
was all cute and filled up my gas and fixed my computer
and then-stuf.
and then i thought well definetely tomorrow.
but then.. no. he was all cute and bought my keyboard and
stuf just cute.

and then when he left, i felt so empty and alone and i
thought i HAVE to do it. i have to do whats right.
and i felt so bad i went to sleep.
but then he just showed up. came back and stuf.
and of course, i couldnt do it then.

do what though... i mean. what do i want.. i want him to
break up with her and be with me.. but no.. he'll just lie
to me. because it isnt what he wants. i have to remember
that part... it isnt what he wants. he doesnt want to be
with me. but then what is he doing... i dont fucking know.