Manifestoes From The Amusement Park
2002-08-05 20:35:18 (UTC)

The Morning Dove Gets Caught In The Telephone Wire

I live with headphones on. It seems to be the only way I
don't hear the perpetual bitching that occurs in my home
not so sweet home. Whether it is my mom and dad, mom and
sister, sister and sister, dad and grandma.. it doesn't
matter, it is not what I need in my life right now. I'm
trying so hard to be positive and to have fun and it's damn
near impossible when this is what I am floating in while in
my house. The loud agressive music is best at covering up
all of the sounds of hate that stain the walls here. Heavy
emo like Thursday and Finch really blocks out stuff well.
So does Deftones. This is my escape. They refuse to let me
drive so I can't actually get away much. I'm stuck in my
room which everyone has to walk through so I have no
privacy at all. They walk by and I glare at them. My mom
tells me I'm going to go deaf by having the volume on my
headphones up so loud. I try to tell her I need it this
loud but.. imagine, she doesn't understand. None of
my "friends" understand. They don't even know me. They know
the side of me I project when I'm around them, it's kinda
sad. My computer knows me and my music knows me. School
starts soon.. I'll have to deal with everything and
everyone yet again. I don't know why I am group therapist
for my friends. If they knew how messed up I am maybe they
wouldn't come running to me with every single trivial
problem their little adolescent minds can conjure. ... It's
been a long day in case you couldn't tell.

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