Cute Chaos

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2002-08-05 04:00:24 (UTC)

Moving On

Tony came over this morning at like 10. I was still in the
shower because I woke up late. He feel asleep on my bed
while I was getting ready. I felt bad. The whole visit
started out bad. He got on the computer and typed for me to
read about how he wanted to be shoot in the head and that I
did not want him over. I felt bad because I did not know
what to talk about. I did not want to bore him with stories
of what I did while he was gone, and he did not want to
talk about his trip. I did not know what to say. I always
have a problem getting him to decide what to do. After a
while he picked to watch a movie, like we always do, but at
least it was something. We got 10 minutes into My Favorite
Martian then we wanted to watch a DVD. We went up stairs
and he picked a movie I have seen 500 times. I was getting
bored so I went into the kitchen to get something to eat. I
grabbed a yogurt and made him a grilled cheese. The entire
time he was going "psst... your pretty!" All I could hear
was "psst" and it was pissing me off. I did not know what
the hell he was doing. He wanted to go get ice cream. We
stopped over at Wally's house first to see when we were
going to the movie. I don't think he liked that very much.
The ice cream was ok. It was kind of of weird though. I
don't know why. When we got back he wanted to walk down to
the lake. The entire time I was trying to thin of stuff to
talk about. Anything I would bring up he would not say
anything. When we got to the lake I asked him what was
wrong. No reply. And over and over. Finally I just got up
and walked home. Never did he say sorry or anything. I told
him why he was mad but he did not seem to care. I just sent
him home.

Wally and I went to see Master of Disguise. It is really
funny. I am glad that only Wally and I went, because I like
to spend time with him. I am surprised we had a lot to talk
about. I started to feel sick during the movie though
because we were sitting so close to the screen. So I laid
out over to seats and tried to go to sleep but it did not
work very well. The movie was really funny. Next we went
out to Quad Graphics to see if there are any job openings.
It is only open during regular office hours so we have to
go back. It was cool though. There was a doctors office
dental and vision along with a gym. The place reminded me
of the Resident Evil lab. We started to walk around all
stealth mode and stuff. It was funny. He grabbed my side
and it sent chills up my back. I wanted to jump out of my
skin. I am really ticklish and grrr! Wally wanted to stop
and get Taco Bell but I was not really hungry. I just had a
quesedia and some water. Wally's burrito was gushing out of
his face! Hilarious. There was no where else to go so after
we got home we played video games. I am getting better at
Halo but I still need to do some work. I was doing really
good on missions but he set it on easy. That game is
awesome you just get to go Jacky Chan on everything! I
think that I am starting to have a crush on Wally. I love
to hang out with him and after I started to get to know him
better... I don't know. It kind of just happened. It may
just be because I know he likes me and I am tricking myself
to think that or not. I am not sure how I feel. I am not
even sure if I should say anything.

I got home and everything was in a wreck. After I called my
grandmother the boys clean up their mess up it was like
pulling teeth. Benji threw his shirt in my face and hit me
in the eye I was pissed. I got hungry so I made a grilled
cheese and one for Wally too. We ate outside. Then my
little brother Chris comes out and pees all over the drive
way. GROSS! We sat out side for a little while and looked
at the stars like when I first met him. It was cool. I wish
I could have stayed out there longer but I did not know
when my dad was getting home. He would have killed me. I
will have to go out there another clear night when my dad
is working. Then I don't have to worry about it.

After my brothers went to bed I got on the internet and
talked with Korrie. She is pissed because I don't return
her calls. There was one time that I just ignored her call
but I usually don't get the message. She was getting pissed
and she does not even know the story.

Tony came on the net so I tried to apologize. Here is the
conversation. I am Swt OliveOil, he is Tonerz! Enjoy!
Swt OliveOil (12:39:53 AM): tony...
tonerz 04 (12:40:22 AM): what
Swt OliveOil (12:40:27 AM): i am really sorry for being
bitchy today
Swt OliveOil (12:40:39 AM): i don't know what got into me
tonerz 04 (12:40:49 AM): nope im not listening to that shit
Swt OliveOil (12:40:59 AM): why?
tonerz 04 (12:41:08 AM): why should i?
tonerz 04 (12:41:12 AM): would you?
Swt OliveOil (12:41:17 AM): yeah i would
Swt OliveOil (12:41:24 AM): because i am really sorry i
want you to know that
tonerz 04 (12:41:59 AM): fine
Swt OliveOil (12:42:11 AM): what do you mean by fine
tonerz 04 (12:42:14 AM): sorry doesnt make me happy again
Swt OliveOil (12:42:30 AM): i realize that but sorry is all
that i can say and do right now
tonerz 04 (12:42:59 AM): yeah?
Swt OliveOil (12:43:11 AM): well what else am i supposed to
do over the internet?
tonerz 04 (12:44:11 AM): so that email u sent isnt true?
Swt OliveOil (12:44:26 AM): why is it not true i said every
word and i was honest
tonerz 04 (12:44:34 AM): just like today?
Swt OliveOil (12:44:41 AM): just because i was in a pissy
mood today does not mean that i don't want to be your friend
tonerz 04 (12:45:31 AM): hmmmm
tonerz 04 (12:45:44 AM): what is a friend?
tonerz 04 (12:46:13 AM): lets hear ur deffanition
Swt OliveOil (12:46:46 AM): someone who you can hang out
with laugh with talk to and tell your problems someone who
you can trust who is loyal and does not back stab someone
who is there for you when good times aren’t
Swt OliveOil (12:47:07 AM): and your definition?
tonerz 04 (12:48:31 AM): webster says its a close companion
Swt OliveOil (12:48:41 AM): i did not ask from the
Swt OliveOil (12:48:51 AM): i asked from what you thought
the word friend meant to you
Swt OliveOil (12:49:00 AM): and qualities you would want in
a friend
tonerz 04 (12:49:12 AM): i dont even know who my friends
are anymore
Swt OliveOil (12:49:21 AM): i did not ask that either
tonerz 04 (12:49:21 AM): or if i have any
Swt OliveOil (12:49:28 AM): i asked what you wanted in a
Swt OliveOil (12:49:36 AM): and what you thought the word
tonerz 04 (12:49:52 AM): someone to be patcient
Swt OliveOil (12:50:13 AM): .... and
tonerz 04 (12:50:22 AM): friendly
tonerz 04 (12:50:24 AM): forgiving
tonerz 04 (12:50:27 AM): understanding
Swt OliveOil (12:51:00 AM): you can't use friendly because
that would be a circle definition
tonerz 04 (12:51:13 AM): so
Swt OliveOil (12:51:30 AM): so then explain friendly
tonerz 04 (12:51:31 AM): if u dont like it call my laywer
Swt OliveOil (12:51:55 AM): you were the one getting
technical on me by going to the dictionary i can play the
same game with you
Swt OliveOil (12:52:00 AM): do you want to talk or do you
want to fight
tonerz 04 (12:52:15 AM): u already answered that question
tonerz 04 (12:52:17 AM): by walking away
tonerz 04 (12:52:26 AM): so dont give me that
tonerz 04 (12:52:35 AM): i tried to work shit out
Swt OliveOil (12:52:38 AM): i started out this conversation
by apologizing because i felt bad and i thought that was
the right thing to do because i asked like a bitch i am
feel bad
tonerz 04 (12:52:59 AM): so u just did it cuz of guilt?
tonerz 04 (12:53:11 AM): and cuz its the "right thing to do"
Swt OliveOil (12:53:19 AM): no because i really bad
Swt OliveOil (12:53:33 AM): and it is the right thing to do
i am just supposed to not saw sorry if i feel bad
Swt OliveOil (12:53:46 AM): if i did not feel bad i would
not have said sorry
Swt OliveOil (12:54:23 AM): What do u hate about me
(seriously)?- That is are you secretive... I know it is
hard but I just wish you would be able to really tell me
how you feel.
Swt OliveOil (12:54:28 AM): that is what pissed me off today
Swt OliveOil (12:54:39 AM): and the fact that you said you
wanted to be shoot in the head
Swt OliveOil (12:54:52 AM): am i just supposed to take it
with a grain of salt
tonerz 04 (12:55:02 AM): ?
Swt OliveOil (12:55:05 AM): when i asked what was wrong you
said because i did not want you over
Swt OliveOil (12:55:27 AM): tony if i did not want you over
I would have said sorry i was busy because of the movie but
instead i invited you along i
tonerz 04 (12:55:29 AM): seemed that way
tonerz 04 (12:55:41 AM): okay
Swt OliveOil (12:55:50 AM): then down at the lake i tried
to bring up everything and anything i could think about to
talk with you
Swt OliveOil (12:55:56 AM): but you said nothing
tonerz 04 (12:56:03 AM): i was thinking
Swt OliveOil (12:56:07 AM): then i asked again what was
wrong and you still did not open your mouth
tonerz 04 (12:56:10 AM): i guess i cant do that
Swt OliveOil (12:56:18 AM): i never said you can't think
Swt OliveOil (12:56:23 AM): but you NEVER SAID
tonerz 04 (12:56:31 AM): cuz i was thinking
tonerz 04 (12:56:41 AM): i do that when i think
Swt OliveOil (12:56:52 AM): you were thinking all the way
down to the lake?
Swt OliveOil (12:56:56 AM): all the way
Swt OliveOil (12:56:59 AM): about what?
tonerz 04 (12:57:00 AM): pretty much
tonerz 04 (12:57:01 AM): yes
tonerz 04 (12:57:08 AM): about if u liked me or not
Swt OliveOil (12:57:18 AM): well why didn't you ask me?
tonerz 04 (12:57:24 AM): i was gonna
tonerz 04 (12:57:28 AM): when u asked what was wrong
tonerz 04 (12:57:30 AM): but u ran off
tonerz 04 (12:57:34 AM): and then i couldnt
tonerz 04 (12:57:37 AM): cuz u were walking away
Swt OliveOil (12:57:57 AM): ya know if the first thing you
said was i am sorry this is what is wrong
Swt OliveOil (12:58:05 AM): i would have turned around and
talked to you
Swt OliveOil (12:58:08 AM): but you let me walk off
tonerz 04 (12:58:24 AM): yeah
tonerz 04 (12:58:35 AM): i was thinking u would come back
Swt OliveOil (12:59:47 AM): well then you said that you did
not want to talk about how you were feeling
Swt OliveOil (12:59:54 AM): so why should i have even
Swt OliveOil (1:00:09 AM): look how long it took me over
the phone to get you to talk about your problems
tonerz 04 (1:00:24 AM): yeah like 25 minutes
Swt OliveOil (1:00:37 AM): was i supposed to wait around
until you decided it was ok to tell me how you felt
Swt OliveOil (1:00:39 AM): felt*
Swt OliveOil (1:00:43 AM): I8
Swt OliveOil (1:00:46 AM): wait*
tonerz 04 (1:01:02 AM): listen!
tonerz 04 (1:01:09 AM): grrrr
Swt OliveOil (1:01:10 AM): tony I WAS listening
Swt OliveOil (1:01:14 AM): and I am now
Swt OliveOil (1:01:20 AM): all you have to do is say
tonerz 04 (1:01:20 AM): GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
tonerz 04 (1:02:13 AM): i need to think about how to put my
feelings into words
tonerz 04 (1:02:22 AM): and most of the time it doesnt just
come in 3 seconds
Swt OliveOil (1:02:38 AM): well why is it coming so easy now
Swt OliveOil (1:02:44 AM): is it because you are behind
your computer
tonerz 04 (1:02:57 AM): yeah i can read what im writing
before i send it
tonerz 04 (1:03:22 AM): where as when i talk one on one i
need to read over what im gonna say before i say it
tonerz 04 (1:03:23 AM): ya know
tonerz 04 (1:03:35 AM): and get courage to say it
Swt OliveOil (1:04:18 AM): but over the computer you don't
have to deal with the direct effect of the persons
reactions so it is ok to say anything
tonerz 04 (1:04:29 AM): yep
Swt OliveOil (1:04:35 AM): no it is not
tonerz 04 (1:04:43 AM): ?
tonerz 04 (1:04:50 AM): no it is not what?
Swt OliveOil (1:04:57 AM): you are never going to build up
any courage if you CONTINUE to hide?
tonerz 04 (1:05:45 AM): well u really help me get courage
tonerz 04 (1:05:48 AM): being so impatient n all
tonerz 04 (1:06:03 AM): i cant help how i am
tonerz 04 (1:06:05 AM): im working on it
tonerz 04 (1:06:07 AM): thats all i can do
Swt OliveOil (1:06:14 AM): how are you working on it?
tonerz 04 (1:06:14 AM): and if that isnt good enuff for u u
can go suck a dick
tonerz 04 (1:06:23 AM): i told u my story...

After that he called me. We talked for a while and my
really messed up my voice screaming on the phone. I told
him that I think I like Wally. Even though we are not going
out we pretty much act like a couple. I don't know if I
still like Tony or not. I guess I have a week to decide
what I want more. I think I am just going to be single. I
will dump Tony and see where it goes with Wally. If it goes
anywhere. Plus, there is Chris in the picture. I have a
friendship I need to work on there.

(*Note to Wally: I hope this does not make things weird!)

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