Rose Dark

Rose
2002-08-05 02:22:37 (UTC)

love alive or just a game

every sunday night, i have group. there is normally my x-
boyfriend, my best friend, and guy named richy, and guy
named Eiric, and bart and gechten. but tonight was a bit
strange. for you see...i wasn't my self in any way. i
went from really happy to either depression or just
paranoid. i was scared and freaked out. see my x was
always next to me. sittign close by or in the same small
room. i couldn't and still can't help but dfeel he still
has feeling for me. i do...i know but how do i tell him?
i can't b/c i'm scared of what he might say. i'm plain
scared. how do you tell some you still love them if you
are starting to believe they still love you? how..i ask
you? don't know what to do? i have know clue what i'm
going to do about this all. i'm starting to beleive that
the hole facted i started to cry was b/c i thougt adn
still am thinking justin(my x)still has feeling for me.
i'm scared, but not b/c of what i think but th hole fact i
am be right. ok...lost yet...let me explain what i haven't
explained. see, over the nigth, he sat by me, didn't
want , or seemed, to leave my side for every long. to top
it all off, he keep on rubbing my arm and hand and holding
my hand, he was gental about ti as well. i know i let him
do it, but i was out of this world, i was spacing out. i
came to when i felt a sudden jolt in my body...like
touching a outlet with water. but its different in some
ways. see, when i felt it, i blacked out(or some i can
say..it seemed that way)not long after. i missed most of
the lesson, b/c i blackout some much. when i spaced out,
all i saw was the real world but i seemed to be focused on
one thing...what i don't know really. right now, i jsut
want to go find people and say i'm sorry, b/c i was being a
jerk. i want to say sorry to justin the most. he was
beign kind to me and i was being jerk. i told him i was
ok, when i wasn't. i could have told him...told him
everything. but i didn't...i jsut let it go...again. i'll
never get over this. maybe i should get some help?
soemtimes i think jsutin is just like a pill. not helping
em in any way...just making me sicker. not making me
better but ill. i need to run...as fast as i can to lost
this feeling. LORD HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

love,
Rose




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