Life as I know it.
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2001-07-08 19:02:15 (UTC)

drunken ramblings what the fuck did i write

Oh god i love my diary entry last night, I barely remember
writing it. Well needless to say I had fun last night,
even when john propositioned me for a threesome with him
and this other guy. Now I wont sleep with john, he's like
a brother you know? We basically drank last night thats
all. I came home obviously wrote in this, and i remember i
was considering a random hook up with some guy off of aol
and that is just stupid...me being drunk gets me into a lot
of stupid shit. BUt thankfully the call of bed was
stronger than the call of men last night. Also, i taled to
matt before i got trashed, once again asked him if we were
friends he said yeah and stuff, but in my heart i know we
are over and if we ever have a deep conversation again it
will just be a fluke. I mean I know i Cant talk to him the
same way Im used to...you know conversations between your
lover basically are a whole lot more meaningful than one
between friends...and I dont know if i can ever see him as
just a friend. And so I finally did it, I blocked Matt
from my buddy list, so i wont be tormented to know if he is
online or not.....i just hope our email still works...ya
know? Ill probably unblock him in a few weeks but now i
dont know, he just drives me insane i wish i knew his every
thought and feeling. Im still in love, im not gonna deny
it, but im also really ready to move on...i guess fucking
him was my closure (and thats pretty fucked up too) So the
great man hunt is on, any single females in the Pittsburgh
area wanna do this? Go out and mack men? I think it could
be fun. I think next time i get involved in a serious
relationship its gonna have to be with a man who totally
sweeps me off of my feet...other than that im all about
just dating right now.

and to everyone who leaves me feedback, thanks a bunch, its
nice to know that im not the only one out there!