Reality Bites
2002-08-03 19:21:31 (UTC)

Thoughts in process

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about my life and
what's in store for me in the next year. I just yesterday
realized that I don't need Luke. I can get along fine
without him. It doesn't change that I love him because I
do, I really do, it's just he's so not at a point where he
can give me what I need from a relationship. I am a person
who needs to feel love from people-males more specifically
and when I don't get that I tend to completely turn inward
and blame myself. In Hawaii every single guy that we met
told me I was pretty and showed me some sort of affection,
and I'm not used to that at all. Probably because I tend to
be so self-concious all the time at home. 24/7 I'm primping
& sucking it in and the more I do that the more un-
comfortable I feel. On vacation I didnt do any of that
because I was so burnt out and emotionally done I
physically couldnt convince myself to care. I do still like
Luke, but I'm done trying to make things happen and I plan
to tell him that Monday when he comes home from Colorado.