Nick's Journal
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2002-08-03 18:57:40 (UTC)

Back to my old self

I've noticed that most of what I've been writing is
sentimental "one-love" shit. What's wrong with me?
Excuse me let me return to myself and give some accounts
of observations.
So I'm in a fucking tour group in Budapest and it's about
150 degrees out. Of course the fat sasquatch bitch is
wearing the white t-shirt and shorts. She looks like a
tightly packaged stick of salami. Sweaty salami. That
bitch is losing 5 lbs in sweat per step. See that's how
ugly/fat/disgusting people should be quantified (the
amount of times you say to yourself "I wish a lion would
tear this fat/ugly/disgusting thing to shreds over the
number of steps you take"). Amazingly enough sasquatch
wasn't the most annoying aspect of the tour. It was a
Brit (why they don't stay on their own god damn island is
byeond me) who asked the dumbest questoin I'd heard in
years. She asked,
"What is the ministry of defense responsible for?"
By then I figured it was time for a viccious face-biting
to set things straight. HOw can y ou be so god damn
Next we have the american kid that came to visit. He
stayed at our place (the son of my dad's friend), and the
most annoying brat ever. REd hair, devious eyes, 10 yrs.
old, and basically 50 lbs of pure shit. He was loud and
obnoxious, a classic case of two working parents who don't
give him enough attentions, too many toys, and not enough
punches in the stomach when he's acting up. His annoying
demeanor lasted all of 30 mins. with my grandfather (who
is from now on my idol). See my granddad was raised in
the era of "if the kid doesn't snhut up break a chair over
his head". So here we have this red-headed son of a bitch
drumming the dinner table like jon bonham and singing at
the top of his lungs (obviously for attention, which his
parents aptly didn't give him). For 30 mins. my
grandfather took it, the he slammed his fist nexct to the
kid and bellowed the german equivalent of
"If you odn't shut the fuck up I'm going to beat YOU like
a drum." The kid shit himself, grew silent, then
indignantly ran away wailing (never to rejoin the table)
ah, what bliss.
Next day, same kid. We're in the lake and he's getting
too close to the swan and her babies. I tell him that the
swan will attack him if he gets too close as they are as
aggressive as an old person at the pharmacy. Doesn't
listen. Two seconds later the swan is chasing his dumbass
all over the beach, hissing and snapping, I loved it.

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