Nick's Journal
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2002-08-03 17:15:27 (UTC)


My relationship with newspapers is lover/hate. They give
me info, foxtrot, papercuts, and dirty fingers. I just
have a big problem wiht newspapers (and the news in
general). Mainly it's their sensationalism steeped in
pessimism. Shit, I know the world sucks, and I don't need
the news of a small-dicked, pissed off arab with nuclear
weapons to reiterate it. Shit, I know people hate each
other, but I don't need color photos of a stabbing victim
to prove it. Trust me, I am well aware that fat, piggish,
gluttonous, white, dumpy, fucks are raping the publich
with their dildos knowen as corporations, but I am sick of
seeing it in bold print. Every fucking time I see the
news it's got some horrendous catastrophe capturing my
attention. It's so bad that sometimes I mix up the real
and facke news. I see the headline "Lochness monster's
obesity responsible for economies slump." and think it's
U.S.A. Today. IN short, our attention is grasped by
horrible headlines of death and destruction.
What's more, most dumbshits just read the headlines then
spout their god damn opinions. They're like fucking lawn
sprinklers, turned on half-assed and soiling me with their
pseudo-intellectual dribble. How about you read the
fucking story then get a quarter and call someone who
So here's the solution to this pervading problem. The
newspaper by all means should contain these stories. The
world is full of dumbass antagonists, murderers, rapists,
and monsters like Rosie O'Donnell. If we shield ourselves
from these things we'rre only doing ourselves more harm.
So all "bad" news, murder, etc. should be placed in the
second section so that you have to atleast open the
fucking thing to check it out. And on the front page will
be happy stuff, like how some kid found his dog or some
shit like that.
This solves both problems. First and foremost I don't
have to feel depressed when I see the paper and secondly,
dumbasses will have to open the paper to see what they
have to talk about today.

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