Fishnet Goddess

Rainbows, Ice-a-ma-cream, and Lemonade
2001-07-08 07:18:03 (UTC)

I'm Whining

Hi, it's me. God, I had the most boring day today. Ryan
left early to work even thought he didn't have to, and I
just sat until he got home at one. Then something nice
happened (it would've been nicer if I hadn't had to beg for
it), and Ryan took me out to lunch and a movie. You have to
understand that he hardly ever takes me out, and pays for
everything, like a normal date. It's always split, and I
never feel like I'm really getting taken out. All this is
fine and dandy usually, because I understand that the two
of us are not the richest people I know, but I just miss
the way things were when we were first going out. He took
me out at least once or twice a week, and paying was never
a question. Anyways, I asked if he would buy me a soda, because
I was really thirsty in the movie, and he wouldn't buy me one.
I was like, hey, we're on a date, and I'm really thirsty, will
you please buy me a drink? He just didn't care, it was too much
money for him to spend on me on a date. A whole extra two dollars
to make me feel special. If I sound like a bitch who only cares
about money, that's fine, I don't care, because I know that's not
true, and I don't see anything wrong with wishing I could
just get taken out and not have to worry about paying Ryan
back. I just miss the way things were. And I hate how some
girls get taken out all the time by their significant
others, and they just take it for granted. Coby's always
bringing Gini flowers and taking her out, and she seriously
doesn't seem to notice. She doesn't understand that it's
not always like that I guess.
Anyway, enough of my complaining. I'm a little drunk. See, I was
bored out of my mind ever since we got back, because there's nothing
to do in San Clemente if you have no money. So I was wanting to
smoke weed or drink because at least if I was stoned, I
would always have something to look at and think about
instead of being bored. But we have hardly any weed left,
and nobody's 21 that lives here. So I was sad, and decided
that sleeping was better than being awake, so I went to bed
at about 7:30 (sad, huh?) But I couldn't sleep (of course
not), so now I'm down here making strange shots with Koby's
vodka that he left over. I'm sure he wouldn't mind if he
knew the state of boredom I'm in. I'm mixing half vodka
half orange juice in the shot glass and then downing it.
Everyone else is asleep, I'm a sorry case. I think I'm
going to get through about a cup of vodka total. Then I'll
be able to sleep, right?
The other night when I was drunk, I told Coby I'm bisexual, kind
of out of nowhere. I said I wanted to tell Gini, because she's my
best friend, and she should know everything about me, but I can't
bring myself to tell her. The only people in the world who know are
Ryan and now Coby (and I guess anyone else who's bored enough to
be reading my drunken ramblings).
Speaking of bisexual, I just put myself in the lesbian meeting
section of hotornot.com. I had to put a pic up too, I guess you can't
just e-mail someone without them seeing you. The program lets you
mark the people you want to talk to or meet with, and then it sends
them a message with your pic and info, and they mark if they want to
talk to you too, and then you guys get to meet or whatever. Am I
making any sense, because I'm getting really drunk now? Anyway, I'm
just going to talk to a girl, not meet her, unless I have a
really good feeling about her and she lives near me. Ryan
said I could experiment with another girl if I really
wanted to. I consider it cheating only if the other person
objects, so I would definitely not have a guilty conscience
for sleeping with a girl. I would never sleep with another
man however, that could get messy. It's getting way too
difficult to type, so that's all for now, bye!