baby doll

a day in the life . . .
2002-08-02 19:56:58 (UTC)

special time of the month . . .

me over a period of one minute: ^_^ ;_; *_* 0_o @_@

yeah. i didn't write anything yesterday because i didn't do
anything. i did nothing all day long!

i'd better warn you. i'm in a bad mood. bad bad mood. you
see, it's that warm fuzzy time of the month. right!!
whatever! i get in really really bad moods. i'm pretty sure
it's worse than most girls get. i scream and yell and beat
things up, most often my walls, doors, and myself.

i am so sick of being inside my house. i swear i'm going to
stick my siblings in the microwave if they don't shut up.
it's a very good thing they are leaving later this
afternoon to visit my grandma.

i want to scream so loud from the top of a very tall
building. i want to rip apart an entire house. i want to
yell at everyone i love and make them feel awful about
being so nice. i want people to hate me. i want to cut
myself up and die. aaaaahhhh!!!!!

it's really scary when i get like this. i actually try to
surpress it most of the time. keeping it in isn't very good
though. i blow up at very insignificant things.

i cried on the phone with chris today because i was having
a bad hair day. i told him i want my long hair back. i just
cried and told him i looked ugly and i still think that.

how can anyone even love me? i'm such a horrible person. i
seriously want everyone to hate me and i can't figure out
why they don't already. it's driving me nuts.

i really need to see nate. he ran away from his house
yesterday because his parents are back and giving him hell.
i think he's in quite a bit of trouble. i didn't even get
to talk to him yesterday, i heard this from chris.

i haven't done anything with my friends for such a long
time. i miss them! why can't they get ungrounded or jump
out of their obsessions with their significant others to
have some fun for once?!

aren't mood swings fun?! i mean, you guys out there don't
know what you are missing. but really: oh my gosh. i don't
think this is normal. i seriously think there must be
something wrong with me. i don't think i'm supposed to be
so horrible, it's not normal. plus instead of once a month
it's once every two and a half weeks. that's not right
either. is it? gosh i wish i knew if i'm totally insane or
if this psycho trip twice a month is natural.

anyway i should go. i need to eat something. most likely
ice cream. good ice cream too. chocolate cherry nut. yum.
it's going to help, i hope.

that's okay cuz i got no self-esteem - bradie




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