Pure Belligerence
2001-07-08 02:37:08 (UTC)

*i am so depressed for no apparent reason*

hmm, its happening again... im feeling really really
depressed... like theres a big cloud above my head that
wont go away.... and make me feel down... not really sad
exactly.... just not myself and all, well, umm ok, kinda
sad. That made no sence. But it really sucks, i wanna
know what the fuck is wrong with me. I feel like crying...
or just going to sleep so i dont have to deal with
anything.... even though i have nothing to deal with! Hmm,
iv been taking a lot of online tests in my free time and i
have major tendancies towards bulimia, emotional eating,
and depression. I mean, maybe not major... but many more
than normal. I am not seriously considering having my mom
send me to another psychiatrice.... i stoped seeing the
other one after she moved her practice to washington... but
she really didnt help me anyway because i never told her
about any of this crap.... i dont even think it started
while i was seeing her... the reason i was there had
nothing to do with this stuff either.... it was about why i
was being such an angerful child and seemed to hate my
mother and get really angry at her all the time.... i think
i stoped not because i didnt have these feeling of anger
towards her.... but because i didnt want to be punished or
go to therapy anymore. I still have a horrible
relationship with mother, weather or not she chooses to
admit it. I think im gonna talk to roxy about all this...
because from what shes told me, she is feelin the same as i
do about some things. Ok, i think thats about all... roxy
just came on... no... wait.. its her sister on her sn...
and says roxy isnt going to be on tonight.... dammit.... by
tomorrow i'll probably change my mind about telling her.