poeticgem

My sometimes coherent thoughts
2002-08-02 01:42:09 (UTC)

the trials of being a parent ...

All I can say right now is just how very, very sad I feel.

I've made the decision to talk to my father about letting
Chantelle stay with them in Arizona. She's told me she
doesn't want to come home and her feelings about going to a
new school this year haven't changed the teeniest bit.
She's mentioned to me that is she happens to 'fall in with
the wrong crowd' it wouldn't matter because she wasn't
about to not have any friends and then at least I would see
what a big mistake I made changing her school.

I'm afraid for her and worried because she is so head
strong that she just might do something stupid simply TO
PROVE a POINT! Her attitude hasn't been altered at all by
being in Arizona and school starts in less than 3 weeks ...


We just had a lovely IM conversation going over and over
the same thing ... only now, she doesn't want to stay in
Arizona - how ironic ... now I say she can stay and now she
wants to come home, but she still wants to go to Millikan.
She says her life is the worst; that it's absolutely the
most horrible it could ever possibly be ... that her
friends are her ESCAPE ... that she can't live without her
friends and that life will be just unbearable if she can't
have her friends and that she will NEVER make any other
friends ever anywhere else!

I know friends are important, I don't blame her for being
sad and even a bit angry, but like I said before, her
feelings have not swayed in the least. You know attitude
is everything ... and her attitude is definitely more often
found in the negative zone than in the positive!

I've told her LIFE IS CRAPPY ... that's just the way it is
and you have no control over it, however, you do have
control over your attitude towards it! And the more you
remain in the negative the longer your life will stay
crappy! You have to change your thinking, your attitude ..
find something, ANYTHING no matter how small, that's good
in your life because it's there, you just choose not to see
it because you are so focused on all that's wrong, all
that's bad, all that's awful and miserable ...there's
simply no room left for the positive ...

Oh, well, it's like talking to a wall; she is an immovable
object - her feelings are immovable - she's dead set on
being as negative as possible and that's what worries me,
because staying in this mindset and starting a new school
surrounded by these vibes is only going to leave her wide
open for the worst ...

I just don't know what to do ... really, I don't! And it
hurts that she's so flippin' inflexible, that I can't reach
her and it scares me that if she continues to be this way,
to think this way that she's going to invite nothing but
trouble and ugliness into her life. Like the saying goes,
misery loves company ... the miserable migrate towards
others of their kind (like birds of a feather) ... which is
just as true if things were visa versa ... if she were to
try and have more positive attitude and seek out something
good rather than focusing on the bad, her world might
surprisingly start making a turn for the better.

Nevertheless, I don't know how to reach her ... I'm just
banging my head up against a brick wall; talking to myself
and getting absolutely nowhere and that makes me very sad,
frustrated, tired and worried. She's my baby, my flesh and
blood and if anything ever happened to her because of this
negative attitude of hers ... I really don't know how I
wold be able to handle it, really I don't.

Ok ... enough ... I'm going to sign off for now ... there's
much more to write about other things, but I will save that
for another day (unless, of course, I forget by then what
they are, which is entirely possible, but then if I do they
weren't that important to begin with, were they? so, we'll
see ...)

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot
change, the courage to change the things I can and the
wisdom to now the difference ... thank you and amen

ciao for now




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