mxgurlie

teen trama
2002-08-01 23:41:33 (UTC)

Empty

This is going to take a while...but to understand you need
to know the whole story. For the past two years a close guy
friend of mine and I have liked each other, as more then
friends. Some how though it's never came that we actually
were dating each other. I have dumped, or hurt a lot of
very nice guys to try and be with him. And while his gf's
weren't great people, he has left them for me. So finally
it happened, I asked him out and he said yes! I saw him a
few days later at a race [yes he races] and it was almost
perfect. Two days later I left for a 3week vacation 2000
miles away from him. A week later he left for a
racing "trip". At first we used cell phones and talked
daily. Now though I haven't heard from him in a while. He
doesn't return my calls, or answer. I'm afraid this might
be his weird way of telling me its over. I hope not. I've
wanted this for so long, go through so much, to lose him so
soon would be heartbreaking. I have never given so much to
a guy. He's more then a boyfriend, hes my bestfriend. He
was my friend before boyfriend. Losing him like this would
mean losing him all together. So what am I supposed to do
when I lose my boyfriend and bestfriend all in one? Aren't
you supposed to turn to one or the other for support when
the other when has walked out of your life. I feel so lost,
so empty. The weirdest thing being...I haven't cried. Not
one tear has been shed, I think I'm in shock. Maybe I will
feel better after it sets in and I truly greive. I hope so.
This empty feeling is awful.


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