a freak with a heart
2002-08-01 22:41:58 (UTC)

To many tears

Aug 1st

I just got home, and I want to go back already. Leaving
lastnight was so hard. I felt like my heart was being
ripped out. Like I was dying, or at least I wanted to be
dead. A 13 hour train ride and I spent the whole time
crying my eyes out. even now I still want to cry. I feel so
empty inside. Like a part of me is gone. And in a way, a
part is. Well not gone but away from me. Far Far away. I am
so unbeleivably depressed. So depressed that I can't even
eat, and it's been 21 hours, and I can't sleep. I feel like
shit! My eyes hurt from crying for hours none stop, my head
hurts from crying, and im so weak from no sleep. I don't
know what to do. I don't want to cry any more but is seems
I can't stop. I want Jeremy to hold me in his arms and tell
me it's ok. Then I'll look up at him and smile, he'll smile
back and kiss my nose lol. AAAAAAaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh
some one kill me PLEASE. I can't take this. I was truly in
heaven when I was with him. I want to still be there. In
his arms and happy. It doesn't seem as hard on him as it
does on me. I called him when I got home and he seemed ok.
Unlike me who was crying her eyes out over the phone trying
to talk lol. Just hearing his voice made my heart ach. I
want to talk to him tonight but im afraid I'll cry again. I
just want him with me, badly. But I guess Im ok, or I will
be ok soon. It just takes time. And this time it will take
a long time. Being with someone you love for 2 weeks 24
hours a day after only being able to see them every 3
months, then being ripped away from them again not to see
them for 4 more months your heart would be crushed as well.
Im gonna go and try to sleep now. later

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