chaoticxpression

my simple small world
Ad 0:
PropellerAds
2002-07-31 23:09:35 (UTC)

she's dead, how can I forget

Maybe I am as bad as they tell me I am.....Earlier tonite
some old lady here (at my grandmothers) knew who I was
because of she met me at my grandmothers funeral...I had no
idea what she was talking about.The first thing I thought
was "what are you talking about she's alive cutting turkey
over there".I didn't remember any grandmothers funeral, I
thought maybe the funeral was when I was young.Then I
realized it happend about a year earlier...I felt bad that
I forgot...then again I should feel bad.I can understand
forgetting birthdays, but forgetting funerals is kinda
wrong in my mind......
I'm still angry, not as angry as I was before though.
At dinner my grandmother said "who's gonna say grace", and
I replied, "it's ok, we're not religious there is no need
for that"....everyone went silent.That's the wrong thing to
say to your grandmother I realized.My brother burst out
laughing and my mom threatend me under her breath about
getting on her bad side and blah blah blah blah.It's really
boring here...maybe that's why I'm writing another entry.
*******
I don't have much to look forward to after I leave here
though.I get to go meet erin and talk out what my problem
is.Fuck that, I shall do no such thing.She wants to know so
she can throw it back in my face, not comfort me or help
me....she admitted it on the phone.
What is my problem?Besides my racist asshole of a stepdad..
I plead the 5th....
"some things are better left unsaid, some things are better
forgotten"...
*************
I came to the conclusion today, that I don't think I'll
ever be truely happy....you know like those people on tv..
I'm supposed to be happy..I have my life together now, I
got two piercings that I wanted for 4 years, I have a
boyfriend, my mom doesn't care that I smoke....I'm going to
tech school this fall......but I'm not happy.And at the
same time I don't take things for granted and I'm not
selfish....
***************
I'm gonna go now......
I wanna go home...........


Ad:0
Want some cocktail tips? Try some drinks recipes over here