Venting about Love & Life
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2002-07-31 20:48:14 (UTC)


Ok so apparently the Monday before he was supposed to
visit, his stepmom died. Sucks really bad for him but I
can't lie and say I'm not disappointed. That was the
closest I've come in a while to seeing the guy that I love
and now it's not going to happen. He says that he can't
come visit me right away because he has to make sure his
dad is ok first. That's understandable but he needs to
understand that I'm tired of waiting to see him. The
funeral was this past Saturday so it hasn't been that long
but I told him that if he doesn't come and see me before
he goes back to the navy that I will never talk to him
again. His ticket was non-refundable unfortunately so he
lost the money he had spent on it. Still, he claims that
he's coming to see me in a couple of weeks (between 2 and
3). I hope he means it.

Right now we're fighting I guess. Tell me if I'm being
unreasonable? We were just talking on AIM and he claims to
have called my dad. Then when I ask what they talked about
he keeps refusing to tell me. First he says my dad asked
him not to tell me then finally after I ask about 10 more
times he claims that he never called my dad but that he
almost did and that he was just "testing" me to see how I
would act. By then I was already mad because it took him
forever to tell me what this test was. That's wrong. He
should have just asked me how I felt about him calling my
dad. Then later he goes on to say how the truth has to
come out and that I should just tell him. He doesn't
understand how my dad is. My dad will NEVER accept the
truth about us. I know him better than anyone else does.
My last 2 relationships were strained because he kept
interfering in our relationships once he found out the
truth. The truth about the first one was simply that I
went to my now ex-bf's house. That's not so wrong! The
second time he went berzerk over something else that he
shouldn't have. I know that he will hate this guy if he
finds out about us. But he doesn't understand that. He
thinks I should just be able to tell my dad the whole
story. That can't ever happen.

Then we're discussing this and he thinks that I'm being
petty and "acting up" over nothing. Him lying to me is not
nothing. IF he can lie about little things then how do I
know if I can really trust him or not? First he lied about
calling my dad, then he added lie on top of lie by
claiming my dad didn't want me to know what was talked
about. There's no need for lies. Then he refuses to admit
that there's a problem (he lied). He gives me the silent
treatment. Then he hasn't called me in 2 days. He thinks
that because we talk on AIM that excuses him not calling.
I've told him that we have to talk ON THE PHONE at least
once every day. He thinks "talking is talking" period. I
like talking to him on AIM too but that doesn't mean he
can not call me. He had the nerve to say that he "bends
over backwards" for me and that I "don't do shit" for him.
As if my loving him isn't enough? I've waited all this
time for him. Then when I say how patient I've been he
brings up something I told him. He says how I wasn't
patient because I let "other niggas eat you (me) out and
shit". That's so irrelevant. He was just trying to make me
feel bad. After he doesn't call me for 4-5 months I'm
expected not to let other guys please me? It was only one
guy anyway and I didn't return the favor to him. I
couldn't touch another guy because I only want him (this
guy). That was so hurtful what he did bringing that up.

He was so mean to me yesterday on AIM. I don't know why
he's doing this. We've both been on for hours and he
hasn't IMed me even once. Now that I've seen him mad his
true colors come out. He thinks I'm not doing anything for
him. He claims that "bending over backwards" is calling me
and buying tickets to come and see me. He claims to have
bought tickets yet he's not here and I haven't seen him!
And he hasn't called in two days. On top of that he's mean
and brings up stuff trying to make me feel bad! I don't
know what to do. I love him but I feel so bad right now.
He said "I love you" on IM but I really don't know if he
means it or not anymore. We need to discuss and sort this
out over the phone soon before damage to our relationship
is done that can't be repaired.

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