Ad 0:
2002-07-31 09:37:03 (UTC)

She loves me, she loves me not...

I don't know what to think. Well, maybe I actually do know what's going on, but I'm just in denial. I thought me and Trailer were really hitting it off, now, she hasn't been on much, hasn't written me. We talked on Monday for like 20 minutes, I was so happy to talk to her again, then she got off all the sudden and I haven't talked to her since. I know she has problems at home that she has no control over, so I shouldn't be complaining, but I guess all I want is a little e-mail every now and then that at least reminds me that she cares, if she still does. I hope she does. I kind of feel like I'm being avoided. I'll probably e-mail her after I'm done writting and tell her that I love her. Whether she e-mails me back is another thing though. I miss her. I'm so lonely right now, I feel like I have nobody. Even my closest friends seem distant lately. You should hear her voice, it's so pretty. She sounds like an angel. I pick on her a little bit about her southern accent, but she knows I love it. I feel so unloved, by everyone right now. I feel like my best friends don't even want me around, like I'm bothering them. I hate to bother people. I don't know how I'm going to be getting to school next year, my mom told me she would help me with a car as long as I payed her back with interest, but has retracted the offer. I don't want to be a burden to my friend Lezlie who gave me rides everyday last year. I'll probably end up taking the bus every morning, I'd prefer that over bothering her again. It an hour and a half trip with a 15 minutes walk at the begining and the end. Oh well. I need a job, but I'm on the waiting list, first to be called if someone quits at my brother Daniels work. He said to wait, that someone should be quiting soon. If I go and get another job that will most likely pay less, I won't have enough time to give my 2 week notice to quit and go to this other job with my brother. I'll end up losing it. I don't know, I'm so stressed right now, if only I could talk to Trailer, I'd feel so much better. But, as much as I hate to think it, I think she is no longer interested in me. I don't blame her, I am rather boring. The only thing I have going for me is my intellignece, and even that seems a bit jaded on occasion. She loves me, she loves me not. I'd ask her straight out, but I wouldn't want to upset her or bother her, so I'll wait it out. I love her. Well, enough of my babble.

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